#this is more a story about learning your worth and personal strengths and loving yourself than valuing knowledge as the only factor of wort

[premiumbitch]

THINGS TO MANIFEST - 2014 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST THEMED PACK ! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

hi luvs! I decided I'd make this flora from winx themed pack for the lovely person who requested it (@milkofthesyren) and for people who want to manifest themselves to be a completely different person, someone they will feel confident to be! also for the amazing shifters who can script this about themselves! enjoy :)

⋆⛧┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈⛧⋆

BEAUTY ♡ //

Your beauty is like an enchanted rose, timeless and delicate, yet powerful enough to change the course of fate. Every glance, every movement carries an air of mystery, as if you belong to a world woven with magic.

Your hair cascades like liquid gold in candlelight, shimmering with an ethereal glow, soft as silk spun by unseen hands in a fairytale castle.

Your eyes hold the depth of forgotten stories, a mesmerizing mix of wisdom and wonder, like moonlit waters reflecting an ancient spell.

Your skin is kissed by the soft glow of twilight, radiant yet effortless, as if you are touched by the very magic that lingers in the air of grand ballrooms and secret gardens.

Your lips are the color of roses blooming at midnight, full of silent promises, both soft and strong, capable of shattering curses and healing wounds.

You move with the grace of a waltz in an enchanted hall, every step like poetry in motion, exuding elegance that is neither forced nor learned—it is simply part of who you are.

Your beauty is not just something to be admired but something to be felt, like the warmth of a flickering candle in a cold castle, a light that refuses to be extinguished.

There is something cinematic about you, like a heroine framed in golden light, standing between fantasy and reality, drawing all eyes without even trying.

Your presence alone changes the atmosphere, as if you carry the last remnants of an ancient spell, something untouchable yet undeniably real.

You are a vision, a living fairytale, a beauty that exists beyond time, untouched by trends, belonging to a story greater than any written in ink.

AURA ♡ //

Your aura hums with the energy of a love story yet to unfold, filled with longing, magic, and the quiet strength of someone who knows their own worth.

Being around you feels like wandering through an enchanted castle, where every corridor holds a secret, every turn a possibility. You make the world feel full of wonder.

Your presence is like golden candlelight flickering against ancient stone, warm, alluring, casting shadows that dance like whispers of forgotten tales.

There is a quiet defiance in the way you exist, a refusal to be anything but yourself, as if you were written into existence by fate itself.

You make people believe in magic again, in the idea that love can heal, that beauty can be found in the most unexpected places, and that even the darkest curses can be broken.

You carry both elegance and resilience, like a rose growing through the cracks of time, soft yet unyielding, delicate yet powerful.

There is something hauntingly beautiful about you, a presence that lingers long after you’ve gone, like the last notes of a song played in an empty ballroom.

Your kindness is a rare enchantment, capable of melting the coldest hearts, not because it is naïve, but because it is strong.

You are a dream wrapped in reality, as if you stepped out of a world where castles touch the sky and love is a force stronger than time.

People don’t just see you—they feel you, as if they’ve brushed against the edge of something eternal, something that refuses to be forgotten.

SMARTS ♡ //

Your mind is a library of untold stories, filled with pages of wisdom, adventure, and the kind of knowledge only earned through experience.

You see the world in ways others do not, finding beauty in the forgotten, understanding truths that most overlook.

Your intelligence is not just in what you know, but in how you understand the world, with a depth and sensitivity that makes everything feel more meaningful.

You ask questions that make people think, that linger in their minds long after the conversation has ended, as if you have unlocked something they never knew they needed.

You are both a scholar and a dreamer, blending logic and imagination in a way that makes life feel like a grand tale waiting to be unraveled.

You notice the smallest details, the quiet moments others miss, and in those moments, you find poetry, history, and truth.

You do not fear the unknown; you welcome it, knowing that every mystery unraveled is another page turned in the great story of life.

Your wit is sharp as a dagger but used with the grace of a queen, never cruel, but always enough to remind people you are not to be underestimated.

You are the kind of person who would break a curse not with force, but with understanding, proving that intelligence and heart are the most powerful weapons of all.

You do not need magic to be extraordinary—your mind alone is its own kind of enchantment.

PERSONALITY ♡ //

You are the embodiment of a tale as old as time, a heart full of wonder, a soul filled with strength, and a presence that lingers like an unfinished story.

Your kindness is not a weakness, but a force strong enough to shatter walls and melt even the most frozen of hearts.

You love with the depth of someone who has seen both light and darkness, knowing that true beauty lies in what is felt, not just in what is seen.

There is an elegance in the way you carry yourself, not forced, but natural, like someone who knows exactly who they are, no matter where they stand.

Your resilience is unmatched, like a rose that continues to bloom, no matter how many thorns surround it.

You do not seek to be saved; you seek to understand, proving that love is not about possession but about choice.

You are the kind of person who sees potential in places others abandon, who finds light in the shadows and warmth in the cold.

Your presence alone makes people believe in something greater, as if you are a reminder that fairytales are not just meant for books.

You are neither fragile nor unyielding, but something in between—something that bends without breaking, that endures without hardening.

You are not just part of a story—you are the story itself, a tale of love, resilience, and the kind of beauty that stands the test of time.

hope you guys enjoyed! requests are appreciated! lmk if you want anything! <3

[sanguinaryrot]

not sure how dnd lore works but i want to know your take on a scholar orc

So i had an immediate reaction to this. Scholars are called Sages in the DND handbook and it is a background which leaves the class open to me. Sages are usually associated with Wizards but i think i am going to. Shake It Up a little. just a little!!

When you're fed supposed truths about yourself for long enough, you eventually begin to believe them. Urul knows he is dumb because people tell him he is. Even people he's never met. "You're just a big dumb orc, what could you possibly know about magic?" But Urul wants to know. He's been searching for truths about the universe for years now, reading what tombs he can get his hands on from the outskirts of towns and big cities and consistently praying to Aureon to grant him wisdom and intellect. He knows devotees of Aureon are usually wizards, and in most case also bureaucrats, but this doesn't stop him. But no matter how much he learns, people still call him dumb. And after he is assaulted by a group of adventurers when Urul attempts to enter the library in town for the first tome, he tearfully visits his alter, and he wishes that he would have been born human so that he wouldn't have been made so dumb. But in a vision, he is visited by Aureon. His undying dedication not only to him but the pursuit of knowledge even in the face of constant adversity over the years has impressed him, and he urges Urul to take up his mantle, to spread his divine word. To show the world an orc is just as capable as a gnome. Urul is still discriminated against, but he is strengthened by what his god told him the first time he spoke to him. "You aren't dumb. You never have been."

Send me a class and a background and i'll write a brief description of a character fitting that description :0 !!

[ceesimz]

Reverie - Part 1

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - Part 2

Hey, I have some things to say before you start reading. ASD is a very vast spectrum, no two people with it experience the same stuff on a day-to-day basis. This story is written with my knowledge from people I know, and also from my own experiences living with autism too. So don't take this as 'the' perspective, this is a drop in the ocean and this most definitely isn't a handbook on autism. If anyone has any questions or thoughts about this, or ASD in general, you are more than welcome to message me or drop something in my inbox! This is just part one, if you like this first half of the story (because I have no idea how this will go down), let me know if you wanna see the second part, it's ready to go whenever.

Big big thanks to @copper-16 for editing it and leaving such lovely comments on it, I wouldn't have the confidence to post this if it wasn't for your words. Thank you for taking a chance on this story and opening yourself up to learn more, the world needs more people like you and we're all much better off that you're here🫶🏼🫶🏼

This is my favourite thing I've ever written, and I kinda feel like I'm giving away a piece of my heart by posting this (dramatic much), let me know what you think, hope you like it :)

“Are you ready to go in?”

Are you?

Are you ready to walk into a new setting, head held high, and show your teammates you are worth it? 

Or are you going to back out? Reverse right out the parking space, speed off to the airport, and catch a flight to god knows where?

That's simply not a possibility. Even if the thought of walking through those reception doors that stare tauntingly at you from across the car park perturbs you more than anything else, there's no backing out now.

Barcelona, the pride of Catalunya, the dominants of Europe, doesn't accept quitters. And that fact glares at you, along with all of its history and values held in the iconic badge that countless legends had adorned, and with it came a legacy you weren’t sure you had the strength to bare on your back. The new number nine, born and raised in Norway but made into the player you are now in Germany.

Here you were, after five years playing for Frankfurt, where you had grown accustomed to a comfortable routine with familiar faces and the same surroundings for so long, now in a new country that held so many unknowns. For someone with so many disadvantages ever present in their life, living in three different countries is a pretty impressive achievement.

Please, let it all be worth it.

After a few frustrating years in the Frauen-Bundesliga, you had signed for the best team in Europe and, arguably, the rest of the world too. Frankfurt had been a beautiful experience, one that had changed your life, but as a result of many, many long discussions with family and friends and psychologists, you had come to the terrifying realisation that it was time for a new challenge.

Why was that absolutely petrifying? Because you and life changes did not get along. Even after 26 years of living, it just wasn’t meant to be. But, such is life, and chances had to be taken.

You'd always be thankful for Frankfurt. Moving to play there was the first time you took such a huge leap of faith, and it had worked out well, eventually. In your eyes, the first season there was a disaster, but your mother would say it was the proudest year of her life. It had been difficult for her to see at times just how much you struggled at points, sure, but you made it to the light at the end of the tunnel and, by the end of it, you were a completely different person in the most incredible way possible. From then on, you continued to grow.

Yet, that was the thing with the German side. When you joined, they were a club with a legacy most teams would envy, but they never amounted to anything more during your time there. You fell in love with the staff, your teammates, and just about everything else during your time there. The only problem, which was pretty damn big in the grand scheme of things, was that you fell out of love with the football you were playing.

You were able to grow and survive at Frankfurt. You wanted to flourish and thrive at Barcelona.

Except, in comparison to the average human, there were a lot more obstacles ahead that could prevent you from accomplishing that aspiration. Over your life, you had overcome many bumps in the road, some leaving a harsh imprint on your self-worth and others hardly affecting you. For example, talking to the girl you were roomed with at 16 at the Norway Football Team camp had turned out to be one of the best things you could have done. Yet, in the same breath, playing for the national team had left you in a broken state, and as a result, you haven't played for them in a few years. 

The back and forth travel was too much, and opting out of playing for Norway, as much as it broke your heart that you weren’t strong enough to represent your country on the international stage, it allowed you to rest and recuperate so that you were at the top of your game for your club. Did you dream of wearing your country’s crest one day? Yes, all footballers did. But you weren’t in a place to do that, and you’re not sure you ever will be again.

Signing for Barcelona could be life-changing, but it could also be world-shattering in the worst way imaginable. This was a pretty sizable leap of faith, and the only way that faith could form into something incredible is if you made that happen. You, no one else. That thought filled you with both determination and crushing anxiety. This just could not be another failed attempt. There was no way you could come back.

Ultimately, it would have been downright psychopathic to turn down such an amazing offer from Barcelona. Two years playing for a club that's won three of the last four Champion's League finals? A team that had just completed the quadruple for the first time in their history? Yeah, nonsensical.

However, like always, there were a number of doubts that spiralled from those incredible stats. Did they need you? If they had a mostly flawless season, did they really need a 26 year old woman whose mind hardly functioned like every other person? Did they really need someone who couldn't even play for the national team anymore because they were too overwhelmed with their life? Did they need someone who needed their hand held through every life event, big or small? Did they-

“Hey, you ready?” 

That voice had some kind of magic to it. It was like clock-work, this always happened when she was around; that voice in your head consuming you with unwanted thoughts was erased as soon as you tore your eyes away from the doors and looked at the woman beside you. 

Ingrid. The one person that had single-handedly convinced you to come here. To Barcelona, playing in a hot country, with people you don’t know, speaking a language you can’t understand- oh my God, what have you done?!

“I… god, I don’t know.” You breathed out in a whisper, hardly intelligible. 

The world around you honed in on this one moment here, the peak of your career so far. Apart from Ingrid and the doors to the building and what was in store behind them, there was nothing else that could grasp your attention. There could be a blazing fire behind your car, a lion running full speed towards your car door, or a thief in the back seat for all you knew. Nothing else mattered. The two sides of your mind, the devil and angel on your shoulders were battling it out again, as they always were, whilst your hands fidgeted anxiously in your lap.

“You have to go in at some point, snuppa. You can’t stay in the car forever.” Ingrid softly reminded you, moving to take hold of your hand to comfort your stimming. “It will be a really good day, I promise. My years here so far have been the best of my life, everyone is so nice and welcoming. I never thought I could enjoy training as much as I do now. You will be fine, I have no doubts.”

“I’m not sure about that one.” You laughed nervously, eyes back on the building before you, now slightly glazed over and blurred. 

“I am certain about everything I just said.” Ingrid stated definitively, squeezing your hand. “Plus, not everyone in there are complete strangers. You have me, Mapi, you know Caro and you’ve met Jonatan and some other staff members. You know Loren, the team psychologist who you can go see any time you want. We’ll get you past this part of today, and then you have the whole afternoon to do whatever you’d like.”

You nodded at her words, desperately trying to remind yourself of them over and over so that they stick, and you can get through those damn doors. 

“You know how much easier my life would be if I knew how everything was going to play out?” You blurted out a moment later, Ingrid smiling in amusement. “It would be a breeze, Ingrid.”

“It would also make your life very boring, min skatt.”

“For you, it would be. For me, I'd live freely.”

Ingrid just laughed and shook her head, squeezing your hand once more before looking at the time on her watch.

“Come on. We have to do this one way or another, and I'm not letting you go in on your own. You want to make me late to training?” She teased, targeting your weak spot. Evil.

“That's cruel, Ingrid. So cruel.” You rolled your eyes but nevertheless stepped out of the car once you'd turned it off.

You didn't make it far though. Once you had gotten your kit bag from the boot of the car, you closed it and froze. Eyes unmoving from the daunting building in front of you.

“Would you like some company after training? We can stay at home, or go out for food, or do anything you'd like.” Ingrid offered, snapping you out of your anxious trance.

Even after… god, ten years now, you were still sometimes left dumb-founded by how well Ingrid knew you. A lot of the time, you yourself are in the dark about what you need, but your fellow Norwegian just gets it, even when you don't. It's pretty safe to say that your life, your whole career, would look a hell of a lot different if you had never met Ingrid.

If you put her characteristics into a different section when it comes to your favourite things about her, the thing you love most about the defender beside you is how she treats you. Sure, the majority of people treated you with respect and kindness, but the defender's love and care was on a whole other level. Like in this scenario now, when she knows you're too overwhelmed by the situation that confronts you to be able to think clearly. But here she is, giving you clear and thought-out options that off-kilt the tunnel vision you have on this one miniscule event, and now gives you something to look forward to. 

It reminds you that the world won't end if this training session doesn't go how you want it to, that life goes on afterwards. It makes the road clearer, the journey easier, and allows solace to be found in a down-right terrifying moment.

The funny thing is, however, is that your new home is actually Ingrid's home. No, you weren't living with her, but you were indeed staying in her apartment. She basically lived at Mapi's apartment anyway, so the second she caught wind of your transfer, she immediately offered her disregarded apartment up to you. It was a huge item checked off the ‘things that need doing after uprooting your entire settled, content, perfectly routine life’ to-do list, but you couldn't quite relish in the relief yet.

That's because, though it went unsaid, another factor of Ingrid's offer of letting you stay was so that, if all went wrong and you couldn't make a life for yourself in Barcelona, there was no tenancy to rip up and ultimately it would be a lot less hassle than if you had rented an entirely new place. Ingrid's excuse of not changing your name on the tenancy for now was so that you could settle in with as little stress as possible, but you knew the underlying meaning. Basically, it was a giant get out of jail free card.

“I think I would like that a lot, actually. Thanks.” You said to the taller girl next to you, whose arm had come to wrap around your shoulders.

“Perfect! María has some things to do but I'm free all afternoon, so we can figure something out. For now though, we have to train.” 

Taking in a deep breath, you nodded once more.

“That's all it is. Just training.” You told yourself, physically shaking the anxiety off of your chest and marching forwards. You got as far as those damn doors before you froze on the spot again. “Fuck, this is so scary.”

“I know it is.” Ingrid sympathised, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “We've got this though. It's just training, right?” 

“It's just training. And a few introductions. And about a million new people.” You sighed. “Will you stick with me the whole time?”

“Like glue, søster.” Ingrid said firmly, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Let's go.”

And just like that, you did walk into the building with your head held high, disregarding the burdening nerves and replacing them with a deep-rooted determination to prove you are worth it. Maybe your teammates would think otherwise if they knew the secret you were keeping from them, but for now, you would put up a front and act just like them. Your best bet at succeeding here is to fit in, and that's what you'll do. 

Ingrid wasn't impressed with this tactic of yours, not in the slightest. Jonatan and other senior staff members knew about you, Loren the psychologist knew about you, and Mapi knew. Besides that, everyone else was in the dark. There was only so long Ingrid could last before she had to tell someone at least, like Alexia or Irene or Marta, because she wanted the best for you and the best couldn't be given if your needs weren't catered for.

Like now, as she watched your whole face change in a split second as the mask came down so fast that, had she blinked a second later, she would have missed it entirely. The tension to the way you held your shoulders was all the evidence she needed that your whole nervous system was wracked with dread, and though she should expect it by now, it didn't stop the jab of sympathy she felt for you.

Of course she knew how difficult this would be for you, she just had really high hopes. Sometimes, even after all these years, it slipped her mind how much you still struggled with things. You'd gotten a lot better at dealing with various different circumstances and that mere fact could bring tears to her eyes if she thought about how far you had come, but moments like these were a snap back to the reality you still lived.

You lived so beautifully, you were so strong now, that your struggles were hardly visible anymore. Yet, when one knows a person for so long, they come to learn the signs. Ingrid knew you like the back of her hand. It still amazed her how quick you put the mask back up, normally being so care-free and light around her. But here, outside of the room everyone was due to meet in for the morning, a feigned smile on your face and a falsity to your posture signified all that Ingrid needed to know.

Even despite your dawdling in the car park, you and Ingrid were some of the first to arrive at the meeting, only a handful of unfamiliar faces scattered around the room. Jonatan looked up at the door upon your arrival and his face lit up, immediately dropping what he was doing to come and greet you with a beaming smile. He offers a gentle handshake, also being sure to speak in clear English so that your mind wasn’t overloaded more than it already was. All of it was reassuring, especially as he kept you off to the side as the room slowly began to fill up, before guiding you to the last chair on the front row beside Ingrid so that the meeting could start. Thankfully, to your relief, he gave you a short introduction to the rest of the squad, you only briefly turning and giving the room a general wave before allowing Jonatan to move onto more pressing matters.

From then on, you were rushed off your feet with introductions and training, all of which weren’t half as bad as you’d expected. During the short walk from the meeting to the changing room, a few others came along to properly greet you, all whilst Ingrid stayed close to your side. Mapi had also come bounding along after you the second you left the first room, Ingrid wincing at the excitement her girlfriend met you with but instantly that worry was erased as soon as you turned to Mapi with a matching overjoyed smile. 

By the time you actually got onto the pitch, you had spoken to almost all of the team already. And like Ingrid said, they were just as amazing as you had hoped they would be. Every single one, in their own ways, welcomed you to the team and made small talk with you for a few moments before letting whoever next came by to have their own chance at greeting you. But, it wasn’t until you were about to join in with the warm-up that the person you’d been most nervous about meeting came along.

Your new captain, Alexia. The powerhouse of the Barcelona team, the one you had to leave the best impression on.

A few days prior, amidst a conversation in the corner of Ingrid’s favourite cafe, you had sheepishly demanded that she give you a run-down of each and every single member of the team. There had been Ona, who Ingrid described as a lightning fast defender whose jestful clapbacks were even quicker than her sprint bursts on the pitch. Then Cata, the new number one goalkeeper whose cheek was sometimes too much for even the younger members of the team. Jana, a surefire future talent who was often found beside her quieter, more reserved but equally talented counterpart, Bruna. Patri and Pina were much the same, as were Vicky and Salma. Ingrid gave you a short but detailed profile of all of them, leaving the most important for last. Alexia, who initially came across as slightly cold due to the stoic, focused expression she usually wore. But, to her teammates and those closest to her, she was a world class leader, an even better player, and most importantly, a defiantly caring person with a personality that had more sides than a kaleidoscope. 

Upon hearing the exit door slamming shut, you turned your attention to the direction of the sound, only to be met with her. Casually strolling over, squinting in the face of the sun, she came over to you with a… a smile on her face?

“Hola! You must be the novota, nice to meet you.” She beamed, inviting you into a quick, polite hug before standing back. “Happy to be here?”

As always with new people, especially someone like the woman before you, you floundered internally for a moment, so many replies flitting around your mind with so little time to react.

“Y-yeah! Really happy to be here, thank you, Alexia.” You landed on, and judging by her reaction, it was the right thing to say. 

“Good, I am glad to hear that. Sorry I was not here for the meeting, you’ve met everybody already, sí?”

“Yes, Jonatan introduced me in the briefing.” 

“Good. Bueno, let’s get started. I am excited to be working with you.” The Spaniard smiled brightly once more, before gesturing loosely for the pair of you to join the rest of the group.

The rest of the day, as they say, is history.

It honestly went by in a blur, and if Ingrid was at all surprised by the way you literally fell into your bed when you arrived home, not surfacing from the newfound safe haven until about an hour later, she didn’t show it. This was Ingrid after all, and every quirk of yours, new or old, still brought a smile to her face. Ten years later and she couldn’t help but love you more each time she saw you.

—

The first week goes a lot smoother than you could have dreamed of to be honest - it’s only the start of preseason after all. But, there is still plenty of time for cracks to show. It only takes two days for all your progress to tear at the seams.

On the first day of your second week, you’re walking into training on your own for the first time since you joined. Shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Wrong! Big fucking deal actually, because now it’s like walking blind, heading straight for what feels like danger. Unguided, no one by your side, only joined by the weight of an elephant seated right on your heart.

With the help of Ingrid of course, who else, you had established somewhat of a routine that made the transition so much easier. But it wasn’t quite clear until now, just how much easier it had made showing up to training everyday. Because, without your Norwegian counterpart who would be absent from training, you were left to show up all alone, and suddenly everything became ten times harder. 

Ingrid was more than just your friend, she was the one constant in this new life you lived that was always present. Anything you needed, one glance from you in her direction and she’d be with you in an instant. She, as stupid as it may seem, was the foundation of your routine, and now that she wasn’t here, all the hard work you’d made to settle in seemed to crumble under your feet. 

Three weeks of living in Barcelona, one week of training successfully completed, just for you to end up back at square one. And that meant you were trapped in your own body, limbs acting entirely on autopilot as your legs carried you over to those stupid doors that once again stood intimidatingly in front of you. Just like last week, except this time there was no one to coax you out of your shell, no one to mindlessly guide you over to one of the tables in the canteen, no one to walk you out onto the training pitch. You were all alone.

An unfortunate tactic hadn’t left your habits after all these years: avoidance. What better way to deal with something, then to not deal with it all, right? Right? 

Obviously, you couldn’t miss the whole day, you still had commitments and expectations you needed to live up to. If there was one thing that you couldn’t handle (apart from almost everything in this neurotypical world) it was letting people down, disappointing them.

So, if you opted out of breakfast for the day and beelined straight for the changing rooms instead, what business was it to anyone else? You were here, that’s all they could ask for. The plan was to get dressed into your training kit as fast as physically possible, before heading out onto the pitch for some time alone before everyone else came along. 

…Except, just as you were lacing up your boots, hand trembling at an embarrassing intensity as you did so, the door opened prematurely. And, really, out of everyone, did it have to be her?

“Oh. I did not expect anyone to be in here. Bon dia.” Alexia smiled at you, heading to her cubby just a few seats away from yours.

“Bon dia.” You muttered sheepishly, keeping your head down and tying your laces at a wildly uncontrolled speed. If Alexia noticed, she didn’t mention it. Thank god.

“I was just going to get some extra practice in, if you wanted to join me.” She offered, swapping her trainers for her boots since she was already in her training gear.

Great minds think alike..?

“Yeah, I was going to do the same thing. Thanks.”

“Ay, it's nothing. It's great that you're so hard working, you’re already fitting right in.” Sorry, could you say that again, or write it down even? “Ready?”

“What? Oh- sorry, yes, I’m ready.” You gave her a tight-lipped smile before slipping past where she stood in the doorway and heading towards the pitch.

“How are you feeling about your time here so far?” The captain asked kindly, the beating sound of boots clicking against the floor echoing far too long in your ears.

“Um, good. It’s an honour playing for this team, so.” You shrugged, offering an almost robotic, rehearsed answer.

“And what about how you actually feel? Not what you’re supposed to feel?” Alexia inquired lightly, an earnest and sympathetic look across her face. Slightly suspicious.

“Well… still good. It’s just different, isn’t it. Yeah.” You mumbled, cheeks flushing bright red as you crossed your arms tightly over your chest.

“Of course it is different. You were in Germany for five years, right?” You nodded affirmatively. “So it is a big, big change. I haven’t been anywhere else but here for twelve years, I cannot imagine adjusting to anywhere else.”

Oh, Ingrid. Seriously?

“I’m here though, I have to leave Germany behind.” You stated in a flat voice, honestly quite done with this topic but it’d be rude to voice so.

“If that is how you want to think, then do it like that. You have transitioned very well, we are all impressed.” Alexia shrugged with a soft smile, punching in the code for the storage cupboard and opening it soon after. “Grab the footballs, I will get some tiny goals. The others can get the rest when they’re done filling their faces.”

Thank god for that.

Alexia ended that conversation there, directing her focus on training from that moment on, much to your relief. All that you learnt from this day was that you needed to have a conversation with Ingrid. Your sixth sense was strong, even if to others it seemed like Alexia was just being an averagely kind person, you just knew. 

The good thing was, you couldn’t quite call that day a disaster. In the end, you got through it, even squeezing in a few jokes and laughs here and there throughout the day.

It’s the next day that the first incident occurred. It happened like this; Ingrid isn’t in again, you learn she’s got some kind of stomach virus, so you turn up once more on your own. This time, it wasn’t quite so scary, but like yesterday you skipped breakfast again. And just like yesterday, Alexia met you in the changing rooms to do some early practice again. Except, there was one fatal flaw to your routine this day. It came back and bit you in the ass pretty harshly.

“Ale, what are you doing after this?” Mapi wondered from your right as she stood up after Jona had ended training for the day.

“Eh, nothing.” She shrugged, going to ask you the same thing as she reached her hands out to help you up.

For all you knew, the Spanish pair you were sandwiched between could be speaking absolute gibberish, nothing was registering. As soon as you stood up, everything went hazy. And then… your vision had gone, your body felt unbelievably heavy, and had it not been for Alexia’s tight grip, you’d have fallen back there and then.

“Hey!” Alexia called out in concern, feeling you go limp in her hold. “Mapi, she’s fainting!”

“What!?” Mapi cried, immediately falling to her knees as Alexia safely guided you to the floor.

“I don’t know, she just collapsed!” 

Her voice dripped with worry as Mapi frantically looked around, only to find most people had headed inside already. Meanwhile, you were still awake, not totally out cold, but your eyes ached unbearably and you’d lost all control of your movements. Alexia’s hands flitted over your body, looking for any obvious problems but she couldn’t find any. She repeated your name over and over, only receiving somewhat of a whimper in reply.

“Mapi, go find someone, now!” Alexia demanded, the defender instantly rising to her feet and heading for the door. The captain turned back to you, her hands gently coming up to cradle your face where you lay on your side. “Hey, I need you to listen! Can you hear me?”

“Mhm.” You whined, providing the woman before you with an ounce of relief.

“What’s wrong? You need to tell me so we can help you, cariño, you just fainted on us.” She said frantically, her wide eyes boring into yours when you opened them.

Identifying the problem, even in your state, was quite simple. It was a common problem, something you were well versed with, though you rarely ever let it get this bad.

“Forgot to eat.” You mustered up your remaining strength, which really was very little, to answer her and quell her worries.

Thinking back to this moment in probably an hour’s time, you’d laugh at Alexia’s face when you said those three words, because she looked utterly perplexed.

“You forgot to eat?” Alexia repeated with a frown, but she couldn’t dwell on it much longer because Mapi came running over with the medical team hot on her tails.

“Is she awake?” The brunette woman asked desperately, opting out of kneeling back beside you so as to not overcrowd you.

“Yes, and she said she forgot to eat today?” Alexia looked up at her friend, refusing to shift out of the way and instead choosing to stick by your side. 

“Oh, that would explain it.” Mapi sighed in relief, only puzzling Alexia more. Was this… normal for you?

The medics fussed over you, asking you questions and ultimately overwhelming you way too much, something Mapi notices quickly.

“Oye, basta, slow down. Her blood sugar is low, she needs something quickly. Get her an energy gel.” Mapi commanded them, now joining you by your head and smiling her bright smile down at you, combing back some of your hair. “Hola preciosa, we'll get you back feeling better soon.” Just as she said that, a member of the medical staff pulled out one of the energy gels the team used for games. “Can you have this for me? It will make you feel better, I promise.”

With a nod, the people around you helped you to sit up as Mapi tore  open the gel packet, with Alexia still almost frozen in confusion. The defender noticed, grinning in amusement and quickly flicking her ear to bring her back down to earth.

“Ah! What's that for?” Alexia winced, watching on as Mapi shook her head and handed you the gel pack.

Your hand trembled as you raised it to your mouth, hardly possessing the strength to squeeze it enough to get anything out of it, but just as Mapi went to help you, Alexia got there first.

“It’s okay, here.” She does it for you, one hand on the packet and the other on your elbow that shakes under her hold. She seemed to be grounded now, knowing that it isn't the right moment to be wrapped up in her own thoughts when you're here in front of her, needing security and comfort whilst it takes a couple minutes to come back to yourself. “Easy with it. You'll feel better soon.”

And you did, literally no less than two minutes after having the energy gel, your nausea and dizziness and whatnot near enough disappeared. Though, your physical symptoms gave way for a barrage of anxiety, because this situation would consequently lead to an unwanted and challenging (but most likely necessary) conversation with Jonatan and the rest of the staff. They had also seen you, on the floor, near enough passed out, as a result of your own actions. You could only imagine the things they were thinking right now, and that unknown was scarier than the actual situation that had occurred beforehand.

“Feeling good now. Thanks everyone.” You said shyly, rising to your feet and avoiding everyone's gaze.

“You sure?” Alexia checked, giving you a look that tells you that you shouldn't even try to bullshit her.

“Well, a little bit… woozy, I guess. But much better than before, I swear.” You nodded, hating the feeling of everyone’s eyes on you. 

“Let’s go inside, I’ll ask the catering staff to make up some food for you, if you want?” Mapi offered as her hand hovers against your back, not touching but guiding you back inside the main building.

“Okay.” You shrugged.

Meanwhile Alexia trailed behind, trying to figure out how, as captain, she could help this situation. It’s in her best interest to care for her team, and given what she had learnt, it was now clear that there was a lot more she could do than sit back and watch. She didn’t want to come across as overbearing, something Ingrid had warned her about, but she realised it was time to step in.

“Why don’t we go to one of the office rooms rather than the canteen?” She suggested just as Mapi went to open the door heading into said room. The defender should have thought of that sooner, but she’s glad her friend mentioned it, realising it’s most definitely the better option right now for you. 

You were taken to an empty office, followed into the room by Alexia and Mapi and some of the physios, and if they weren’t overcrowding you outside, they definitely were now. In all honesty, as much as you were grateful for their care, you wanted to burrow under your duvet in bed at home and not surface for probably about a week. You wanted to grab a tray of cookies, eat them whilst seated on the edge of your bed so you didn’t get crumbs everywhere, and crawl under the sheets safe in the darkness of the four walls you had struggled to leave the past two days.

But no, you were here, stuck in a reality that in no way felt real at all. What were you doing here? Sat at a round table, surrounded by medical staff chatting between themselves, not really bothered about your blip anymore, whilst two of Spain’s greatest players stand off to the side, both pairs of eyes trained solely on you.

You, a no-name off the back of an unsuccessful run in Germany that had just collapsed after training. Them, Champion’s League winners and well-established in the sport for years already, and decades to come.

“Preciosa?” Mapi appeared beside you suddenly, speaking softly as her hand fell on your shoulder. “Is it okay if I leave now? Ingrid is still sick at home, I promised I would get back to her as fast as I could. If you need me to stay, I can. They won’t keep you here for much longer, they’re just making sure you eat before you get back home.”

She should be with Ingrid, her girlfriend who is much worse off at home. Not with you, who simply made a foolish mistake and was now wasting everyone’s time.

“Go home.” You told her as your own hands squeezed anxiously at your upper arms where they sat crossed on the table.

“Okay.” Mapi smiled pitifully down at you, giving you a light forehead kiss before backing off. She pulled Alexia to the side, giving her a warning glare. “Look after her, for me and for Ingrid. Protect her, too. Don’t let them overwhelm her, she just wants to get home.”

“Sí. Of course.” Alexia replied firmly, a solid look in her eyes that Mapi knew to trust immediately. 

The defender slipped out of the room with no further fuss, leaving you alone with Alexia and the medical staff. Not for long, though.

“Guys, could you give us a moment? And can someone go collect her food from the canteen, please.” 

They nodded and stepped out of the room, Alexia closing the door softly behind them. She turned back to you, watching as you kept your head down and focused on the shapes you traced on the wood of the table. Your shoulders were visibly tense, so uptight they’re basically touching your ears, and she noticed just how intensely your leg was bouncing up and down.

“Do you need anyth-”

“Did Ingrid tell you?” You asked bluntly, gulping back the lump in your throat that really had no place making itself known at this moment - now was not the time for a meltdown. Save it for later, in the safety of your flat.

Alexia blew out a breath, coming over to perch on the edge of the desk a few seats away from you.

“If you’re talking about what I think you are, then… yes. She did tell me.” She answered cautiously, trying to gauge your reaction but you didn’t give her much, just a single nod. “She did it with the best intentions though. It wasn’t to… purposely go behind your back. She just wants the best for you, and the more people that know, the more support you can have here.”

“I guess.” You murmured under your breath, clearing your throat after and moving to rest your chin atop your arms.

“Why… why didn’t you want anybody to know?” The midfielder wondered in a soft tone, trying hard not to scare you off or go over the top. If she wants to help you and understand you, which she desperately does, this is the pathway she has to, albeit reluctantly, go down.

“Wanted people to get to know me, not a label.” You frowned, hastily wiping the tear that slips out with the frustration slowly bubbling inside of you. “Didn’t want to be a problem for anyone. Wanted to fit in.”

Just like that, it all clicked for Alexia.

The feigned smiles, sometimes forced laughter, the troubled look on your face whenever you thought you were alone, all of it adds up. You had repressed parts of you so that things went as smooth sailing as possible, so that people didn’t think any differently of you or immediately feel drawn away like they often did. The biggest part of you, what makes you you, is the one thing you didn’t want people to see, out of nothing but complete and all-consuming fear. And Alexia would be damned if she let you go on like this.

“Can I take a seat next to you?” She said quietly, a hint of a smile on her face when you nodded again. She did exactly that; without making too much noise in the still room, she pulled up the chair next to you and sat down, her eyes raking up and down your face.

“If I told you that I don’t think any differently of you at all, would you believe me?” She began with. 

You just shrugged dismissively, not having moved a single muscle in the past few minutes apart from breathing and blinking. If you don’t move, if you don’t draw attention to yourself, perhaps this whole thing will disappear. A girl can dream.

“Because I don’t, cariño. I really don’t. You are not a problem for any of us at all. You face different struggles than us, but nobody thinks of you as anything less than a great player and an even better person. We are all glad you are here. I and others on the team will face different struggles than you, and I can bet you would never think any differently of us. Am I right?” 

Her words break through the defensive wall you’d put up to protect yourself from anything else around you. A common feature of the start of your meltdowns, except it’s quite possible that your captain had just stopped it from going any further.

Hesitantly, you sat up from your slouched position and wiped tiredly at your face.

“No, I would never.” You told her, slumping back against your chair and fiddling with the drawstring on your shorts.

“Exactly. You don’t need to worry about any of that at all, I promise. You are one of us now. A culer. We will take care of you.” She smiled brightly, you can hear it in her voice. So for the first time since you’d entered the room, you turned to look at her, only to find her eyes were filled with earnesty and kindness. And… perhaps for the first time since you’d arrived in Barcelona, you truly did feel like you belong here. Like you could make a life for yourself here, against all odds.

“Thanks.” You sniffled, feeling the remnants of your outburst fade away, only to leave overwhelming exhaustion in its wake.

“It’s okay. You can come to me anytime for anything. There will always be someone here for you to talk to, and I’ll be the first to fight for you if that’s ever necessary.” Now, you were actually smiling. A genuine one, too.

“I think Ingrid might beat you to it, actually.” You teased her, watching as she grins.

“You’re probably right.” She chuckled, before pausing. You already knew what she was about to say before she opened her mouth. Neurotypicals are just way too predictable. “How did you know Ingrid told me?”

“You can just tell when someone knows. They treat you differently.” Alexia frowned anxiously at that.

“I didn’t… did I treat you differently?” She questioned, along with a poor attempt at disguising the undertones of fear in her voice.

“You haven’t, not really, but… I don’t know, I can just tell instantly. It’s hard to explain. You haven’t treated me differently, but I could tell you knew compared to when you didn’t know. The look on your face too. But thank you for… just everything so far. You have helped a lot, so.” You shrugged. She smiled, a little in relief, but nodded nevertheless.

“You don’t need to thank me. Now, can I ask some more about what happened today? You said you forgot to eat?” 

“Yeah. It’s just because my routine was messed up, that’s all. Yesterday morning I ate before training because Ingrid had baked me some pastries, but today I had none left and then genuinely forgot. It happens sometimes, it’s just part of it.”

“Part of what?”

“Autism.” Duh.

“Oh. I did not know that.” Alexia stated simply. 

“Yeah, well, most people don’t.” You told her. Alexia nodded understandingly, a plan of action already formed in her mind.

“I’m sure you already know this, as an athlete, but it’s important for your safety that this doesn’t happen again. So I have a solution in mind that could help.” You hummed to tell her to continue. “I can ask either the catering staff here, or find a private chef, to start meal prepping for you. We can organise it on the club’s behalf so that you don’t have to pay anything. I will go with you, or for you if you’d like, to Jonatan and help sort it out for you. You can meet with a nutritionist to figure out what food you need and tell them what you do and don’t like, we can sort it all out for you. It wouldn’t be a problem.” 

Oh. You’d never thought about that before. 

“I guess that could work.” You decided after a few moments of consideration. 

That would actually be a really helpful solution. Certainly one less thing to worry about, and it could add a secure layer to your routine. An important one too.

“Would you be okay with that?” Alexia wondered, smiling when you nodded. “Good. Leave it to me, I will get it sorted for you.” 

She paused again, clearly hesitant about something. You raised an eyebrow at her, trying to coax it out of her with a look, but you couldn’t help the amused smile on your face at the sudden, faint blush that landed on her cheeks.

“What is it?” 

“Uh… there is no way to ask this without coming across as… very forward, to say the least.” She started, shaking her head at her own ridiculousness. “May I get your number? For captain’s reasons, of course.”

“Right.” You smirked, watching as she shakes her head, this time at your teasing, and grabs a pen from the stationary pot in the centre of the table. “And what shall I write it on?”

“Well… just use my hand, I guess.” She suggested, offering the back of her hand out for you. You grinned and gently took hold of it, jotting down your number for her. 

“There you go, Capi.” You smiled, clicking the pen and putting it back.

Not long after that, one of the staff members came in with the food Alexia and Mapi had organised for you. So, leaving your captain with a promise that you'll eat it the second you walked through your apartment door, you went home. It was a great meal, and if it'd be the catering staff at Barcelona that would do your meal prep, well, it'd be a great deal.

That night went just like the others; you relaxed for some time to decompress after training, until you eventually started feeling somewhat human again, and arose from bed to do one of any of your hobbies that you felt like doing that night. Reading, watching movies, drawing and painting, listening to music, or any others that pique your interest that night. 

On some occasions, you'll be so mentally exhausted from your day that none of them seem at all appealing, and it takes a lengthy period of time to feel yourself again. An hour, the rest of the evening, or sometimes even the whole week. After especially hard times, it could take weeks. Fortunately you hadn't been through such events in years, but the fear of falling into that hole ever again was always present in the back of your mind.

The thing about having this disorder is that some things never change. Most things never change. You learn to cope, you can heal from past experiences, but in the grand scheme of it all, things never change. Certain events, people, even words can still be triggers. No amount of therapy or coping mechanisms or whatever, can help. You were born this way, and you would die this way. 

You would live a life and still struggle with even the most mundane things. Washing dishes was a no-go, the sensory issues were way too intense for that one. A day without showering first thing in the morning was automatically a write off. Bad performances in matches could still lead to a meltdown on certain days. One wrong look from someone can send you spiralling.

Autism was a blessing and a curse. It made you who you are; you have no idea who you would be without it. Yet, at the same time, it could debilitate you to such extreme degrees that… at night, when you were alone under the disguise of darkness,  you can't help but wonder what you could have done with your life had you not been born with this burden.

And with the day you'd had already, well, the only way you'd learnt to get over these things were to move on from them. That's what you had to do. If you become too concentrated on them, analysed every detail that went wrong, thought about every opinion those who witnessed it could hold, you'd suffer for it more than you needed to.

You couldn't move on if others couldn't move on though.

Unknown: Did you get home safe?

There was most likely only one person it could be, but where's the fun in that?

You: Depends who I'm talking to…

Alexia: It's Alexia??

Too easy.

You: I knew it was you, dumbass. Yes I got home safe, thank you. Food was great too :)

Although, when a few minutes went by after that last text, the doubts came flooding in. Did you take it too far with her? It was a bit ballsy to say that, she's just checking in on you. Captain duties.

Then again, who was it calling you?

“Hello?” You frowned, and this was another instance where you're cursing yourself, because why was your heart racing and cheeks burning at one random phone call?

“Dumbass, huh?” Came a smug voice, and then your heart was racing for another, more light-hearted reason.

“Yeah, sorry about that… apparently I'm a bit of a keyboard warrior.” You blushed sheepishly, relieved beyond belief when the woman down the line laughed.

“Don't worry about it. You're feeling okay now, sí?” 

“Yes, fine. You know, I didn't plan for today to happen. It just did.” You mumbled, still embarrassed by it all.

“I know, no one blames you for it. I just wanted to check in with you.” 

“I'm good, thanks. I've only ever had that happen like once before, I guess training on an empty stomach isn't the greatest idea in the world.” You joked lightly, Alexia humming in agreement.

“How does it happen? You said your routine was messed up, how did that lead to you forgetting?”

“It's a long story.” You sighed, but Alexia doesn't care.

“I have a free evening.” She said simply. This woman.

“Well… every training session so far, Ingrid has met me in the morning at my apartment beforehand so we can travel in together. She normally checks in with me, asks how I'm feeling and if I've eaten and whatnot. But she was ill, which I obviously don't blame her for, by the way. So not having her with me these past two days has terrified me quite a bit. She's basically the thing that holds my whole morning routine together. I guess, because she wasn't there, everything just flew out the window.” You explained, but things still weren't quite adding up in Alexia’s mind.

“So how does that relate to you forgetting to eat? Do you not get hungry?”

“Not like normal people do. One of the things with autism is that… we're not really in tune with our bodies? Like, I don't often get hungry or thirsty, I have to force myself to remember to eat and drink. And when I don't, I only realise I haven't done either of the two when I start feeling ill, like today. But food and drink feel like a chore, which is another reason I forget too. It's different when it comes to football though, being an athlete has taught me to be in tune with my body in terms of injuries, but not for anything else. It's weird.” 

“Wow, I never knew that before. That's interesting.” She commented. She's got a lot to learn.

“I prefer… inconvenient.” You said with a shy smile, glad to hear Alexia chuckle at that.

Unexpectedly, for quite some time after that, the pair of you just… talked. A lot. Like, for an hour. About everything - from what pastries Ingrid baked you, to a few more facts about yourself and your ASD, and everything in between. 

It's unnervingly natural. Fun too, but also a little odd. Is she doing it out of pity, or..?

“I almost forgot the other reason I called you.” She said out of nowhere, the smile on her face audible once again. “We have our pre-season dinner this Friday, the whole team is going. You should come.”

A dinner? At a restaurant? Oh god.

“Oh, I… it sounds good, but I don’t know, I-”

“Hey, why not?” She questioned gently.

“Just, they’re not really my scene.”

In a split second, Alexia attempted to think back on all she knew about anxiety to combine it with the very little information she knew about autism, hoping the two overlapped somewhat. Luckily for her, they do.

“The club rents out the restaurant so it’ll just be the team and a few senior staff members. It shouldn’t be too loud. It’s more like a celebratory dinner before the season starts, so there's no partying or anything like that at all. I really hope you come, but I understand if not. There’s no pressure.”

Damn you, Alexia.

“Okay. Okay, I'll go.”

—

Normal order resumed for the rest of the week; Ingrid recovered from her short 48-hour bug and returned to training like she hadn't even had a day off. Her being back also meant your mind was a hell of a lot more at ease, even if Alexia had offered to see you every morning. 

There was one other thing you were blessed with: obliviousness. Because, during the car ride to training the day after your phone call with the captain, the smirk that Mapi greeted you with in the rearview mirror after you tell her what happened once she headed home, is definitely not confusing at all. Definitely not.

That smirk made a comeback far sooner than you'd like. 

“Say that again?” Mapi asked with a squint to her eyes, forcing down the laughter she so desperately wants to let out.

“Alexia is driving me to the team dinner.” You repeated the sentence you'd just said for her, looking to Ingrid for help. “Ingrid, tell her to behave please.”

“María, come on. Alexia is just doing her a favour, you know she's not a fan of driving.” Ingrid said whilst nudging her girlfriend, though secretly she's hiding some intense excitement levels under her very good poker-face.

“Exactly! Screw you, Mapi.” You sighed dramatically, turning back to the mirror as you put your earrings in.

“So you're sure you don't need us to drive you there?” Mapi asked suspiciously, and there was that stupid smirk again. 

“Ugh, yes! I am making friends, you should be happy!” You groaned, fixing the shorter defender with a dagger-like glare in the reflection.

“More than fr-”

“Okay! Are you ready, snuppa? When is Alexia coming?” Ingrid interjected, discreetly stomping on her girlfriend's foot.

“She's on her way, she'll be here any minute now.” You answered after checking your phone. “You know, I can't rely on you guys forever like you're my parents or something. I love you, but I don't love you that much. And I'm sure you feel the same.”

“No!” Ingrid cried out in a way that's entirely too theatrical. She came over to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I do love you that much, it's María you need to worry about.”

“I do worry about her sometimes. You should too, Ingrid.” You murmured, Ingrid humming in agreement as you watched her Spanish counterpart… busy herself in your fridge?

“María, out of there! We are literally going for dinner right now!”

“Ingrid, princesa, you need to work on your English- we're not at dinner ‘right now’, that is why I am in the fridge.” 

“Guys! Alexia is here, let's go. I'll see you at the restaurant.” You kissed Ingrid’s cheek and flicked Mapi’s forehead as you ushered them out the door, locking it behind you and making your way down to the ground floor.

Alexia was there, waiting for you whilst leaning against her car, and a smile tugged at her lips the second she saw you. You heard some commotion behind you, most likely Mapi being scolded by Ingrid, but you shut it out as you headed over to the midfielder, fighting back a ridiculously cheesy grin.

She greeted you the same way she did on the first day she met you - enveloping you in a warm hug that really shouldn’t be as comforting as it was. Not a big deal. Regardless, you both clambered into the car and made your way to the restaurant.

Thankfully, the evening went surprisingly well. It was a very low-key evening, just like Alexia said. In fact, you might even go as far as to say you enjoyed it, that’s a welcome revelation. And it seems you weren’t the only one that had discovered something new.

“Can I ask you something?” Alexia said on the drive back to your apartment.

“Sounds like there’s no stopping you.” You replied, smiling when she teasingly rolled her eyes.

“At dinner, when Patri asked why you don’t drink, you said ‘long story short, I don’t like it’ so I was just wondering what you meant by that?” Alexia asked, before almost immediately regretting it. “I mean, you don’t have to answer, it’s your business, but… if there’s anything we should be mindful about, then let me know.”

Who needed alcohol when you had a tendency to lose your inhibitions whenever you got too exhausted?

“No, not really any problems. I don’t have any issues with people drinking around me, I just have a bit of a history with it but it’s nothing big. It’s fine.” You shrugged, trying to keep your eyes open as the streets of Barcelona passed by your window. 

“What… what happened?” Alexia pressed gently.

“Well, when I was about seventeen, I started going through a really hard time. I had just dropped out of school, I’d had some trouble with friends, I was basically struggling quite badly. I started partying and drinking a lot, way more than I should have. Then I began to rely on it too much, just to get me through really basic stuff. It made me feel normal, it got rid of the voice in my head and it made me feel like a functioning person of society because it was what everybody else did. One day I decided it was best that I don’t drink at all, and it’s easier to tell people I don’t like it but actually I’m just scared of drinking because of all it reminds me of. So, I avoid it.” You explained, rather nonchalantly. 

The mental exhaustion was hitting hard that night, it was evident in the way you spoke. There was one explanation; dissociation. Dinners were not your favourite things in the world, they were a challenge to get through even when you were in the best company. Small talk, food, the sound of people eating, the scrapes of cutlery against ceramic, and the attention on some occasions being entirely on you? Yeah, a big no go. Which is why you were so tired, so distant, because your mind was in protection mode to keep you running until you got home.

Talking about your past was difficult, you’d come a long way and it felt counter-intuitive to talk about the bad times when you’d worked so hard to come to a good place. Yet, here you were, baring your soul about a topic you normally kept to yourself. You don’t even feel at least a little bit anxious at the fact you’d just spilled that secret. Alexia takes all the concern you normally feel and keeps it for herself.

“I’m sorry you went through that, cariño. Thank you for telling me.” She smiled sadly over at you, an ache growing in her heart at your defeated demeanour where you sit in her passenger seat. “Are you feeling okay? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“Tired. So tired.” You sighed. Even just talking felt like a chore in that moment. “Wanna get home, s’all.”

“Okay, we’re almost there now.” She said, “I’m proud of you for coming today. I know you weren’t a fan of the idea initially but you came, and everybody was so glad that you did. I am really proud of you, and so are Ingrid and Mapi too.”

The woman to your left surprised you everyday with each act of kindness she was showing. She hardly knew you, she hardly knew of your struggles, but she was adamant to learn and show just how deeply she cared. You were beyond grateful for her and all she’d said and done, even if you couldn’t verbalise that just yet.

All you could do was offer a simple nod, almost entirely mute as a result of how utterly overstimulating the day had been. You had loved it, sure, but sometimes when days like today left you in such a dejected state that you could hardly talk, there were still times if you wondered if fighting for a somewhat normal life was worth it. 

From then on, the rest of the drive home was silent. Alexia dropped you off, made sure you knew to contact her or Ingrid or whoever you felt comfortable speaking to should you need them, and that was that. You got inside, were barely able to get yourself changed, before passing out as soon as you got into bed.

—

A few weeks went by and it was more of the same. After that dinner, the team really clamped down and focused on getting everybody ready for the start of the new season. Training at Barcelona was different to anything you’d ever experienced before; it was intense, but light-hearted. There was competition, but it was healthy, everybody egged each other on even if they wanted to win. Ingrid was right, you had never found training this enjoyable before. You had to put that down to the people though, if it wasn’t for them then you’d never feel as comfortable as you do now. 

There were blips, there were still obstacles, but apart from that time you fell ill after training , there hadn’t really been any meltdown-inducing moments. Just a lot of burn-out and exhaustion, but you were near enough a pro at dealing with that now. 

The environment was… perfect for you. And one factor of that outcome is definitely down to the help of the famous three you had near enough attached yourself to since your arrival.

But the main factor to how well you had settled in was down to you. At some point along the way, not that the exact date mattered or anything (at exactly 12:02 on Monday the 26th of August), you hit a milestone that you had never managed to reach before. 

It was unplanned, but once the initial shock had worn off and the anxiety left, you teared up in the arms of Ingrid at the pride you felt towards yourself. Then Mapi joined in with the hug, and so did Alexia, then… so did the whole team too. 

For the first time, you were honest with your team. For the first time, you told them that you had autism. And for the first time, you weren’t suffocated by that prospect. When they all came together to hug you, it wasn’t just a physical embrace, it was them fully accepting you even with this burden you held and championed every day of your life. Though, with the support of others, it was hard to think of it as a burden. The gravity of a secret this big had weighed you down for years, but… now, your chest had never felt so light.

They supported you when you arrived, but the extremes this Spanish team took didn’t quite register until the week before the first game of the Liga F season. Fortunately for you, the first game of the season was at your new home of football, the Estadi Johan Cruyff. So, to help settle the rising nerves you were feeling as game day got closer, the club had organised a training session for you at the stadium a few days before. The more familiar you were with your surroundings, the less you had to worry about on the day. And, as everybody knew, the only thing you needed to worry about for your debut would be how well you did on the pitch.

What you didn’t know though, was that every member of your team was waiting in the stands for you to walk out. And the second the sound of boots hitting the floor echoed from the tunnel through the empty stadium, Mapi was up on her feet to cheer and encouraged her teammates to do the same. The only person that hesitated was Ingrid, but when she saw the look on your face as your te- your friends outwardly rallied behind you so openly and so freely, she became the loudest one of them all. That was the perfect way to prepare for game day, you really couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to work with everyday.

Were you jittery and wracked with nerves as you waited on the sidelines to be substituted in at the 70 minute mark? Yes, but the second you took your first step on the grass with the crowd’s applause as your welcome, you fixated on the game and everything else was just background noise. 

From a young age, before you had even heard of the word autism, football had very obviously been your special interest, otherwise known as the one random topic out of everything in the world to take over your life. 

You would spend hours in your backyard, kicking a ball against the side of your house, driving your family crazy. The walls of your bedroom were covered, corner to corner, in posters ranging from your favourite players, to clubs from all over the world. Christmases and birthdays as a kid were, to you, all about what from your presents you could add to your collection. Kits, boots, scarves, match-day programmes, magazines, even trading cards. Back at your childhood home in Norway, all these things were stored away in the attic, still items you cherished. 

As you got older and life got a bit more difficult, football became your escape. School was exhausting, people were exhausting, but football was something you could do on your own. No one bothering you, no one expecting anything from you, it was a time you could forget the world and all its misdemeanours, and just relax. And honestly, that’s all you planned for it to be. It was hard to imagine it being anything else than just a hobby.

All it took was one game to change the whole trajectory of your life. A game of girls against boys at your school at the age of only eleven, and the next day your sports teacher had gotten you a trial at the local academy. You passed it with flying colours, and flourished in the sport from there.

…Until one random day when you were fourteen, your mother sat you down for a conversation you never could have expected. But once you'd had time to dwell on her words, everything made sense. 

You had autism spectrum disorder. 

It wasn’t made official until the assessment process was over and you received your diagnosis, but that was the day it felt like your life had been irreversibly changed. Your view of the world changed with one conversation, and it was as if everything you thought you knew was wiped completely. Like you had been thrown into the ocean with no one and nothing around to help. 

All the tantrums, the bad behaviour at home compared to being a model student at school, the fussy eating habits, and the endless list of out-of-the-norm habits you had - it added up to this one, new label. The tantrums became meltdowns, the reasoning behind your behavioural differences were from spending the whole day surrounded by people and masking to fit in which led to you being so overwhelmed and overstimulated, your mind went into overdrive and didn’t know what to do. The fussy eating turned out to be sensory issues, with the textures and tastes of certain foods making you physically ill.

There was so much to learn that some days it felt like too big a challenge to tackle. Then there would be the days where you were up all night, the light of your family laptop kept hidden under the blanket you draped over yourself, as you researched this life-changing disorder until the sun rose.

It’s funny, really, how quickly your life can change with just three words.

For years, you had been defeated by it, succumbing to the assumptions that you could never amount to anything more than the label forced upon you, but look at you now. Providing a world class through ball to the most recent Ballon D’Or recipient to tie off a 3-0 win in the first game of the season.

You had learnt at some point in the last twelve years that the only choice you had was to live with it. Make the most of it. This was your one life, you had to make it work. You were adamant to thrive for the others that couldn’t, for the 1 in 13 women that didn’t believe they were strong enough to fight back, and to prove to the world that this disorder didn't hold you back.

They wouldn’t know that your mind could be your own worst enemy, or the self-deprecating thoughts you could have whilst your face gave away no hints, or that sometimes you didn’t believe in yourself and the anxiety was so intense that you could be stuck in bed for days, even weeks, at a time. All they saw right now was your team, FC Barcelona, rushing over to celebrate you rather than the goal scorer because they knew what it meant to you. The world would only ever see your victories, because they had no business to strike you when you were already down. You were strong, you were worth it, and most importantly, you had done it. You’d made it to the exact point you dreamed of. That’s all that mattered.

Unfortunately, it only takes one bad thing to set you down an unwanted path.

Part 2

[talistheintrovert]

as somebody who has been (and remains) suicidal, I think Love For Love's Sake was written for me specifically, in the same way The Eighth Sense was.

I have no desire to speculate over the game mechanisms or what was real and what wasn't and who his sunbae *really* was because that's not the point. It's not about that, it's about the fact that suicidal people deserve compassion. It's about the fact that small acts of kindness can change everything. It's about the crushing pain of feeling left behind by everybody in your life and rejected by the people you want love from the most.

Being a human being is hard. It's harder when you have trauma. When you're mentally ill. When you're neurodivergent. When you're queer. All of those things separate you from the people around you in small, indefinable ways, and it can and will ruin your life if you let it (and even if you don't let it, sometimes it will do it anyway). I don't know about the rest of y'all but I'm in constant danger of becoming Tae Myungha. So I have no interest in exploring whether or not the ending is "real" or what made it happen, because that's not the point.

Tae Myungha entered the game broken and alone and was given a chance to make somebody else feel less like he did and he took it because he CARED. Because he had that capacity for love and strength for other people, but he couldn't find it for himself. The game made him confront that fact until he reached a point where he could actually allow himself to want things again. To want love and companionship and to feel like he *deserved* those things, because even though it's not about whether you deserve it or not, it's difficult not to feel that way. The game, and his sunbae, over and over again just wanted him to open himself up to being taken care of after leaving a life where nobody took care of him. It's tragic and beautiful and full of hope despite it all, and yeah it's morbid, but as somebody who has been where Myungha is, it also just feels very... normal. Struggling like that. Drowning under the weight of it all. The hard part is continuing even when all you want to do is give up, but this story is trying to tell us that it's worth looking for one more bright spot, trusting one more person, believing in yourself one more time.

Learning to receive love is just as important as your willingness to give it.

THAT is the point.

[natelikestowrite2054]

The Infection. Wanda Maximoff. Chapter 1

Wanda's not here. We are all that remains.

Summary: After a mission overseas, you return to the compound and meet up with Peter Parker. But something unknown attacks the base, and you soon learn who's behind the carnage.

Warnings: Infected Wanda, uneasy atmosphere, violence, suspense.

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoy reading this first chapter. There will be more to come.

You huffed as you dried hair after taking a well-deserved hot shower. Today had been grueling and unforgiving. The muscles in your body ached badly from the slightest bit of movement, and your eyes could barely stay open. But this wasn't a first-time experience for you. It was one you had done numerous times with the Avengers. The scars down your back, chest, and arms each held a story worth telling.

It had been over a year now since joining their team. A day that you'd never likely forget about. But unlike a majority of them. You didn't wear a suit of armor, possess secret powers, or have superhuman strength. No, you were a normal person, but not without the means to defend yourself. Your old life had taught you many lessons, and that was what aided you the day it all changed.

You neatly folded the towel and hung it over the heated rack. Sighing, you picked up your phone and opened it to check if Wanda had seen your messages. Two messages you'd sent half an hour ago had still gone unseen. Now you were getting worried. You typed up another message to send to her.

Wanda, I'm starting to really worry about you. You only said a few words to me or anyone when we left Sokovia, and then you suddenly disappeared as soon as we got back. If you need space, I understand, but please communicate with me. I love you so much, and I'm here for you. ❤️

Your mind pondered on the circus of theories as to what could've made Wanda so distant that she'd dissappear from everyone.

Did going back to Sokovia reawaken her painful memories? Should you have said more to comfort her? Was she planning on breaking up with you?

You snapped out of those delusional thoughts and exited the bathroom, switching off the lights and carrying your uniform over your forearm. The smell of fabric triggered deep memories of nostalgia from days long gone. You gently placed the outfit on the bed and searched for clothes for the evening.

Ding!

Your heart skipped a beat hearing the notification. You nearly stumbled forward, trying to get your leg through your sweatpants, hoping that Wanda had finally answered your messages. You scooped up your phone and opened to see it was a text message from Peter Parker.

Hey, I'm swinging in now. Meet you at the entrance?

Oh shit. You mumbled, realizing you had forgotten about your plans to hang out with Peter. You had been so overwhelmed with the stress of Wanda that you'd completely forgotten about tonight. It was something you'd planned out for some time, and you had been looking forward to it.

Peter wasn't a part of the Avengers, and that made it almost impossible for you two to see one another. You first met Peter when Tony Stark recruited him to help with a mission. Peter preferred to work alone and stick to being a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. But the day you two met, there was an instant connection.

You ruffled your hair, trying to ease the sudden anxiety of forgetting the hangout. Reluctantly, you texted Peter back.

Sure, I'll meet you by the entrance.

A few seconds later Peter replied.

See you soon.

You pocketed your phone and fixed your hair after messing it up out of frustration. I suppose tonight wouldn't be so bad. After all, you were in need of a break after the eventful day. You walked out of the room into the hallway toward the elevator. Your fingers pressed the top button, and the doors grumbled open. You stepped inside and waited for the lift to arrive at the bottom.

Once you had arrived, you eagerly squeezed through the still-opening elevator doors. The anxiety and excitement of seeing Peter clashed inside you like swords on a battlefield. Your eyes caught him just walking in through the front entrance. He seemed to be struggling to stuff his mask into his jacket.

"Are you struggling a little bit there, Parker?" You snickered. "No, it just won't. Ah, I got it," Peter said. He turned to look at you only to be greeted with a tight embrace. Peter hugged you back, and you winced. "Oh, are you okay?" Peter gasped. "Yeah, I'm just sore from today. I'll talk about it later. But it's great to see you again, Peter. How have you-" An unwelcomed smell entered your nostrils, and you immediately asked, "Okay, why do you smell like pizza?"

Peter clearly embarrassed and turning red answered sheepishly, "Because I've been delivering pizzas."

"Wait, you're delivering pizzas now?" You asked almost a bit taken aback. "When did this start?" "Oh, I started a few months back," Peter told. A thought came to your mind and it made you snort. "Please tell me you've been swinging around in your costume when delivering them, oh please," you prayed. Peter smiled to hide his embarrassment as he admitted to it. You laughed, imagining how confusing it must look for New Yorkers seeing Spider-Man deliver pizzas. "Oh, my gosh, that's brilliant. I can imagine J. Jonah Jamerson is printing a front page for that one. Speaking of that, what happened to taking pictures of yourself for that knucklehead?" You asked, nudging Peter's side.

"I-I've still been doing that. The pizza delivery job is just some extra work." Peter explained. "How come?" You asked. "Well, it's just I've been a little bit behind on rent." Peter told.

"Do you need money?" You asked. "No, no, please, I can't take any of your money. I'll figure something out." Peter assured.

"Peter, if you need help, we -" Peter immediately dismissed your offer again. "No, it's fine, really. I have it under control." You breathed out through your nose to keep your sigh of frustration hidden. "Okay, but please, if you change your mind. We are all here for you."

"I appreciate it, Y/N, thanks." Peter thanked with a cute smile.

You pressed the button for the elevator doors to open. "Tonight, we're just going to relax and enjoy ourselves," you said. "Are you up for a movie and some board games?" "Sounds great, let's do it." Peter agreed. As you both entered the elevator, you pressed for the top floor.

"Is everyone here tonight?" Peter asked. You scratched an itch on your nose before answering, "Yeah, everyone's here. We recently got back from a mission in Sokovia." "Sokovia?" Peter repeated with a peak of interest dripping from his quirky voice. "Yeah, Wanda informed us of another Hydra base there," you explained. "Did you find out what they were doing there?" Peter inquired. "Not yet. We're still reviewing the data we saved before it was all wiped clean. But from what I could gather is that Hydra was running some kind of experiments."

"Experiments?" "What kind?" Peter asked. "Some kind of human testing. We were concerned about there being new super humans. But again, we won't fully know as half the data was destroyed when we began our assault."

"Mhm, so everything else is okay?" Peter asked. "Yeah, everything's... f-fine." You answered, not trying your best to hide the stress and worry for Wanda that was eating you like a cancer.

"Hey, you okay?" You glanced back up at Peter and stuttered with your explanation. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine just tired."

"Are you sure?" Peter asked again.

"Yeah, I'm sure," you whispered with a half convincing smile.

The mini screen in the corner of the elevator caught your attention. For some bizarre reason, the floor numbers seem to have frozen in time. But that's when you noticed the shift in Peter's expression. His eyes were wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Peter?" "Peter what's wrong?" You asked. Those few seconds felt like a lifetime time before Peter answered, "Y/N, something's wrong, something's -"

The elevator suddenly stopped.

You both froze in place, feeling the rumble of the elevator throughout your bodies. The lights from above flickered on and off until darkness followed. "What happened to the power?!" You exclaimed whilst frantically pushing the buttons on the panel. Nothing worked. Peter stepped toward the doors, prying his fingers in-between them. The young hero grunted with effort as he separated the doors. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Peter stepped out first, keeping his arm out in front of you in a protective manner. His eyes scanned the darkened hallway for any sudden movements.

"W-What's going on?" You muttered.

"Y/N, listen to me. There's something very dangerous nearby. Whatever it is, we need t-"

The thundering sound of clanging echoed through the floors above. You looked up toward the ceiling, listening to the deafening noises. But what came next was unlike anything you'd heard before. A loud screeching roar beyond human capability, and it made every hair on your body stand up. You started to hyperventilate, feeling the vibration of it throughout your body. "W-What was..." You choked out through your panicked breaths.

"Come on!" Peter exclaimed as he shoved the staircase door open. You raced after Peter with the adrenaline, igniting and fueling your body like a soldier charging onto the battlefield. As you climbed the stairs, the sound of gunfire and yelling was growing louder with every step. "Come on, Y/N!" Peter yelled from above. "We're almost at the top!" You leaped up the last set of stairs when you heard the screeching of Peter's shoes. You halted thinking Peter had come face to face with what was responsible. But as you looked up, there was nothing but what remained of the stairway door.

You slowly stepped up onto the walkway and inspected the scene of the crime. The door had been torn apart from the center and pulled inward. But what caught your eye made your heart skip a beat. Carved deep into the metal of the door appeared to be the workings of something with sharp claws.

"What could've done this?" You whispered.

Peter unzipped his grey jacket and swiftly took it off, revealing his tightly red and blue fitted costume. You turned away to look back at the door and bravely decided to investigate further. "Y/N, wait." Peter warned. You ignored it and squeezed through the gap in the door. Once you were through, your eyes gazed upon more of the same claw marks on the wall. Following the trail lead, you down the blackened hallway where the doors leading to the living room had been ripped clean off.

"Peter." You quietly called. Peter emerged through the gap and saw the carnage before him. "Oh my God." Peter gasped with wide eyes. "Okay, Y/N, I need you to listen to me. You need to get out of here and call Nick Fury. I'll go and investigate." Shaking your head, you argued, "No, I'm not leaving you here." Peter stepped closer and put both his hands on your biceps with a firm grip. "Y/N, please just listen to me. Whatever did this is dangerous. I sensed it before the power was cut. I can't let you get hurt." Again, you shook your head, ignoring Peter's reason. "I can't let you face this alone, I won't run knowing I could've done something." "Y/N it's too dangerous, and you don't have anything to protect yourself with," Peter pointed out.

"I'm staying." You repeated arrogantly.

Peter stared into your eyes. His expression was mixed between frustration, anger, and worry, knowing he couldn't change your mind. Peter pulled down his mask and repeated, "Okay, but promise me that the moment something happens to me. You save yourself. Promise me."

"I promise Peter." You answered confidently.

Peter nodded, and you both started to move cautiously toward the living room. He kept his arm out in front of in a protective manner. Anxiety made your hands clamy, and your heart thumped loudly in your ears as you entered the room.

Your eyes scanned the darkened area. There was no sign of anybody. Glass was scattered all over the floor, the couches and TV were tipped over, pieces of Tony's equipment broken and discarded like trash. Even one of the large windows had been shattered. It was like a battlefield. You continued following behind Peter with sweat dripping down your face like raindrops. When you felt something underneath your foot. You lifted your shoe off the object only to see it was a gun.

Natasha's gun.

You scooped up the pistol and checked it only to find the weapon had been completely emptied. Whatever Natasha was trying to bring down didn't surcome easily to bullet wounds.

Peter's eyes surveyed the area in front of him when he suddenly felt his spidey sense trigger drowning out his footsteps that came to a hault. You felt Peter's hand grab your shirt in a bone crushing grip. He whispered in a low tone, "Y/N, don't move." You froze like a statue, not daring to move another muscle.

Peter's breathing was shallow. His sharp spidey sense ringed loudly. Peter desperately searched for the threat, but there was nothing but the darkness that swallowed you both like a nightmare. The young hero needed to concentrate on where the threat was and quickly. Peter took a deep breath in and let it out. All went quiet. Peter's spidey sense homed in on the danger, and he moved his two fingers to the center of his web shooter before whispering the bone-chilling word.

"Run."

Peter shoved you out of the way. Emerging from the darkness were a pair of long tendrils that grabbed ahold of Peter's wrists and ankles like an octopus seizing its prey from within its lair.

You landed hard on the ground, crazing your cheek on the broken glass. Turning your head, you saw Peter pinned against the wall by the long, dark tendrils. Suddenly, one of the tendrils perked up and lunged toward you. Just as it was about to snatch your ankle, it was yanked back by one of Peter's webs. "Run, Y/N, RUN!" Peter groaned out.

You quickly stood to your feet and sprinted out of the room toward the stairway door. The sound of Peter's yellling traveled through the walls and followed you like a haunting spirit of mockery. The thought of what that monster was doing to Peter was too much bear, but you couldn't stop. You had to escape whilst Peter held it off.

The last flight of stairs was just below you now. You wasted no time and leaped down them, landing on your two feet. Grunting, you pushed the door open and sprinted toward the exit. You could make out the sight of the far-off street lights through the glass windows above the front door. Freedom was just ahead you could almost taste it.

Suddenly, you stopped hearing a loud rumble from above. The ground shook like an earthqauke was unfolding. Your eyes followed the sourace above when the ceiling collapsed, forcing you to retreat. You helplessly watched as Peter fell through the rubble. He reached out to fire a web to save himself, but it was too late. Peter crashed onto the title surface, cracking it. His body went limp as he laid trapped underneath a pile of rubble.

"Peter!" You cried.

You ran to Peter's side. But stopped upon seeing a dark shadow land in front of you and to your horror you saw it was...

Wanda.

No, it couldn't be. But it was indeed her. The right half of her body was consumed by a black and red substance that stretched all across the right side of her body like torn clothing. But the most disturbing feature was the right side, her mouth littered with rows of sharp fang like teeth.

You turned to flee. But Wanda was too fast. She raised up her right arm, and the black and red goo stretched across her hand like multiple streams transforming into a long tendril. It attacked with incredible speed and wrapped tightly around your throat. You kicked and squirmed as the oxygen supply to your lungs was cut off.

Wanda slowly turned you to face her and pulled you uncomfortably close to her face. Her wide pupils stared deeply into yours like a vengeful demon. "W-Wanda." You choked out in a pleading tone. The cold, slimey tendril tightened like an anaconda. All you heard leaving Wanda's lips was a chuckle that echoed through your ears.

As your world began to turn dark, you continued to thrash desperately, trying to break free, but you slowly felt yourself scumming to the sleep.

"Sweet dreams, little lamb."

[heartlilith]

The Power of Investing in Yourself

Investing in yourself can look different for everyone. Think of an investment; buying a house, a share, a business. Investments are something that get better and better with time. They become more valuable, the worth increases as time goes by. You, yourself, are an investment ... the most important investment of all.

The ways you can invest in yourself are limitless. From drinking water everyday to getting a college degree - it doesn't matter what you are doing, but the fact that you are doing it.

Ways to invest in yourself: Journal, go to therapy, eat healthy, drink water, read books, do things you enjoy, meditate, yoga, working out, going to college, studying, learning, going to the doctor, resting, having goals, skin care routines, taking a class, etc.

When you invest in yourself a lot of things happen, all of them being positive. There are no negative outcomes when it comes to investing in yourself.

#1: It makes people want to invest in you too.

Think of it this way; you're a CEO of a huge successful business. You're looking to hire people and you're reviewing their resumes. There's one position left to fill and you have 2 applicants.

The first applicant's resume is pretty good. They have a degree in business, have prior experience, and a glowing letter of recommendation. For hobbies outside of work they mention working out and taking walks. When asked what their strengths are, they write, "Being organized, a good communicator, and able to work well with others". Pretty good resume, could definitely get the job done and do a fair job.

The second applicant also has a college degree, a glowing letter of recommendation, and prior experience. This applicant also enjoys working out in their free time, they read books, they like doing pottery, taking dance classes, and hiking mountains. When asked what their strengths are, they write, "Being reliable, organized, ready to take on challenges. Finishing things I start and being a good communicator". They are even certified in CPR and took a public speaking course.

Who would you choose?

Applicant #2! Even though half the things they wrote don't correspond with the job, it lets the CEO know a little more about the person. "They take on challenges" - well I'm sure they do because hiking mountains seems pretty challenging. "Reliability" - they're able to stick to their hobbies. "Being a good communicator" - they took a public speaking course. It shows the CEO that they invest in themselves, and that's someone that they want to invest in, someone that invests in themselves.

#2: Investing in yourself attracts opportunities.

Going to a cooking class, the library, or even to the gym - you're bound to meet new friends that share a common interest with you. Through those friends, you could be introduced to other hobbies that you enjoy. You never know what could happen when you meet people, they could be your "in" to an amazing job. They could be a bridesmaid or best man in your wedding. They could introduce you to the love of your life. They could impact your life in miraculous ways.

Investing in yourself is attractive. Would you rather date someone who plays video games all day or someone who takes care of themselves and has hobbies? It's a lot more interesting and appealing to be around people that have extracurricular activities because those activities create stories to tell. Stories to tell creates connections. Connections create relationships and so on.

You never know what's going to come knocking at your door. Maybe you're out at a restaurant and someone near you drops to the ground and needs CPR. You took a CPR class one day and now you're saving someone's life. Maybe you start selling the pottery you make. Maybe you take your interest in astrology and monetize it. You never know.

#3 Increases confidence and independence:

Investing in yourself increases your confidence because you're working on different skills. If you're in a pottery class and you make your first vase - you're going to be happy and proud of yourself. It's an accomplishment. If you start an astrology blog and gain 10 followers, you're going to be happy. It's an accomplishment. When you go to college and get a degree, you're going to be proud. It's an accomplishment.

It doesn't matter how big or small the accomplishment is. When you create goals and complete them, a chemical reaction happens in your brain and literally makes you a happier person. Day after day, goal after goal, your confidence will rise. You will feel good about yourself.

Investing in yourself makes you more independent. When that guy or girl ghosts you or rejects you, it won't hurt as much. You won't be in the house all day waiting for them to call. You won't ruminate on why this and that happened. You'll be busy. By the time you get home or finish a project/goal, you'll notice that you were so focused that you forgot all about it. You'll have your own agenda. Not only that, but your relationship with yourself will be strong. You won't blame yourself as much because you know who you are. You learn who you are by spending time with yourself.

More on my Patreon

[mythals-whore]

Author Ask Tag:

@thedissonantverses @basedonconjecture

Not you guys making me think deeply about my writing. Is this just an excuse for me to yap and assign meaning to my smutty fanfic??? Love that for me

What is the main lesson of your story?

What a good question, not to be colored with my own general musings on life lately.

There’s a lot to be said for the main theme of Veilguard being about regrets, but i think I’ve leaned a lot into the lonely island man from Varric/Solas DAI banters?

“That's the world. Everything you build, it tears down. Everything you've got, it takes. The only choices you get are to lie down and die or keep going. He kept going. That's as close to beating the world as anyone gets.”

So…basically that. Yes, the world is bad and everything is falling apart and you should try to fix it but you also have to LIVE. It’s scary and sometimes it sucks but you have to Do It Anyway.

If you don’t let yourself experience the love and the good things as they come and you’re always thinking about the end goal, then you miss the good that happens on the way. And the good moments that happen are the reason you’re fighting to save the world at all.

What did you use as inspiration for your world building?

It is Dragon Age fanfic, so Dragon Age. The Veilguard specifically.

My MC is from Tevinter and canonically from a military family so i have done some research on the Roman Empire’s military/also some modern military terms/practices.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them?

I mean the main goal is to stop the elven gods/blight save the world.

But obviously there’s the romance which is more at the center of the story. So i guess ill say that the character arc for my MC is that love (romantic & platonic) can be a source of strength.

Also i think there may be something to be said for learning that you’re worth more than what you do? I would say that my MC has always been fighting/working toward a goal. She’s very job oriented so i think she’s sort of learning that she is a Person and not an entity and that is okay (leaning into the Solas parallel/foil a bit).

How many chapters is your story going to have?

It has like...26 now? and I have at least ten more planned but I'm going to round it out and call it 40. (I am not well)

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Dragon Age Davrook fanfic, it is posted on ao3.

When did you start writing?

I think when I was 13ish?? I was on Quotev back in the day, and I can't lie i think my first was Mortal instruments fanfic?? I haven't written anything in a long time, and i have not posted anything ever?

Small anecdote but i did take a screen writing class in college and my professor had other students read your script to the class. I used to beg to go out in the hall bc the thought of anyone reading my writing was so mortifying (he did not let me go out on the hall but I was allowed to put my head down on the desk which i always did). So this is a big step for me.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr?

Write it anyway!

You think you’re bad at it? Write it anyway! (you’ll get better!) You think no one will want to read it? Write it anyway! (they will!) You think you don’t have any unique ideas? Write it anyway! (you do, i promise)

Read books, watch movies, play video games, make playlists for your stories/characters! Find inspiration in other art(: fill your cup, as the saying goes.

ALSO find other writers. They will help inspire you and keep you going when you feel like quitting (:

No pressure tags for: @flowersforthemachines @rook-laidir @thebarghestiest

Only if you feel like yapping about your writing for the group(:

[tubbypeddle]

I don't know if you're still doing matchup trades, but I would love matchups from Parts 2, 5 and 6 of Jojo's. I will also totally do one for you to the best of my abilities if you want!

My Gender: Female, she/her

Personality: I'm generally a very calm, patient person, and I make an effort to not become angry or frustrated easily. I can come off as quiet, but warm up to people quickly and will talk and or listen to someone for hours. I generally try to be very attentive and supportive of the people I care for, and one of my biggest dreams is to be married one day, though I don't want children. I think a downside of my personality is that I can be a little insecure, and if I feel like someone doesn't like me or is annoyed at me I close myself off completely.

Hobbies: I am a huge classic literature fan, and read constantly, especially anything from the 1700's or 1800's, though I also particularly love Shakespeare. I'd say I always love a good story, no matter what medium it is in, and I love learning about history. I also really love to bake, though I'm not much of a cook.

Green Flag/Deal breaker: Unfortunately I have a thing for men older than me, especially if they're the fatherly or chivalrous type. I also like passionate, strong men who aren't afraid of speaking their mind or ideals. A deal breaker might be a guy who likes to "jokingly" insult or mess with their partner, especially insults or judgement. I know that's what some people like, but it's not for me.

Green Flag/Deal breaker: Unfortunately I have a thing for men older than me, especially if they're the fatherly or chivalrous type. I also like passionate, strong men who aren't afraid of speaking their mind or ideals. A deal breaker might be a guy who likes to "jokingly" insult or mess with their partner, especially insults or judgement. I know that's what some people like, but it's not for me.

Looks: As for looks I'd say I'd be considered generally attractive?I have very long, curly brown hair, brown eyes, and I'm narcissistically proud of my lips.

(Thanks in advance, 😘)

i got started on this as soon as i posted the other one!

sorry it's taking so long. you know busy schedules 🥲 I actually called off sick to finish this up LMAO

You've been training with Caesar under Master Lisa Lisa for years now. In fact, you showed up only months after Caesar did. Initially, she wouldn't have let you stay if you didn't earn your stay. But you managed to prove your worth to her eventually.

And Joseph was a reluctantly welcome addition to your little squad.

But it's not Joseph or Caesar that you fall for. They're not your type, and besides. They're more like annoying older brothers.

No, they're not the ones who catch your eye.

Instead it's one

Ultimate Being Kars

At first, he doesn't even notice you. He normally doesn't pay any mind to mortals at all, much less ones that show no initial prowess at some sort of physical strength.

It's when he notices you with Joseph and Caesar that you manage to pique his interest.

He cares not for mortal attractiveness, but he does admit you're "easy on the eyes", as Joseph calls you.

He acknowledges Lisa Lisa's strength, and she doesn't take weak people under her care. So what are you doing with them?

You have yet to prove yourself the way Caesar and Joseph are so desperate to. Why did Lisa Lisa take you in? What do you have to offer that he hasn't seen yet?

And it's not because you're a woman who's hiding your strength. Women were very valuable and successful warriors from his time. It's something else.

He has not met any mortal who knew of his history. Granted, he's been trapped in stone far longer than he would've had any chance to meet a mortal who would've known anything about his race and culture.

But the fact that you did definitely threw him for a loop the first time.

And because of lovely timeline fuckery, Kars does not get shot into space because you deserve a happy ending with him.

Kars is not the type to insult his partners, jokingly or in any other way. If he insults you, it's not intentional. He doesn't even insult you in arguments.

Kars does not care for blabbering very much, but he finds he does not mind yours very much. His people weren't talkers. They preferred to show their affection through violence and aggression. Proving your worth as a Pillarmen came by eating your first human. Pillarmen like Kars did not talk with each other.

Even with his family, he did not really sit down and have conversations with them. Conversations weren't needed when battles to the death were all the contracts needed between siblings. Whoever lived to see another day won their argument.

And, hey, you said you liked older men. Try a man who's been alive since 5000 B.C.

And I can understand the appeal in older men. It's that experience that you don't have, leaving you feeling like you can follow his lead and you won't feel so lost.

And if anybody would have experience, it's Kars.

(Experience in every field, might I add.)

He's not so much "fatherly" as he is a guiding hand, though. He raised Santana and Wamuu, yes, but it wasn't very much of a father-son relationship.

Similar can be said about you two, thankfully. He is happy to take the leading role, to guide you when you want or need it. It almost feels professional how firm he is with you. But maybe you're into that.

And it does wonders for making you feel less insecure, too.

PDA is not something he enjoys. If he wants to show his affection to you, he'd rather do it in the privacy of your home. That isn't to say he's ashamed of his relationship with you, or keeps it hidden. He makes it a point to bring you up in almost every conversation he has with a stranger.

"My partner would love this", "I need to tell my partner about this", "My partner would hate this, I should tell her immediately". That's his preferred term for you.

You are his partner. Which is an important distinction, especially since he also calls you his lover sometimes.

He sees you as his equal, which is why he prefers to call you partner.

If you like passionate men, he is an ideal passionate man.

He's all about passion, ambition. He never sees a point in hiding his intents behind pretty words, so he can come off as blunt, too. He always speaks what's on his mind because what's the point in hiding it? You are his partner, he wants you to know every thought he has.

From the smallest things, like what he thinks he wants for lunch that day, all the way to big things like where he sees your future together headed and what he has planned for you two.

He hides nothing from you. He feels no need to. He expects you to show him your everything, too.

He adores your patience. It has made loving him a lot easier for you, too. As an ancient superhuman, he does not have the easiest time acclimating to modern times. (as modern as they can be in the 1940s)

Honorary mention!

Rudolf Von Stroheim

..You can understand why you're with Kars, and not this other passionate man.

=-=-=-=

That's enough of Battle Tendency, though.

If you were to find yourself in the throes of the Italian Mafia, you'd find yourself enthralled by none other than

Risotto Nero

You met him when he'd needed information for a hit. He'd gone to the Investigation squadron, of which you are a part of, and that's where he'd met you.

He was immediately entranced by you.

You were quiet, which isn't out of place for the Investigation Department. All of you had this job because of your aversion to combat.

But you were different from the rest of your team. In a way that Risotto couldn't quite explain.

When the two of you get together, it's kept a secret from the rest of Risotto's team at first. Call him possessive, but he wants you all to himself before his team eventually gets their hands on you, too.

This isn't to say that once the two of you reveal your relationship to his team that he's secretive. He doesn't want it kept a secret after revealing yourselves to his men. He wants people to know that he's yours. He likes people knowing that they can't have you, because you chose him over them.

Basically, he loves PDA.

If you'd gotten with him before he betrayed the Boss, he might've been a bit more private with his relationship with you.

But he's a free man now, free from the Boss's reign.

So maybe he likes to show you off a bit more than is normal.

He also doesn't want kids. He can't stand the thought of having to care for a life so precious when he couldn't even protect his cousin in their youth.

But he is really intrigued by the idea of marriage.

Ever since he'd joined the mafia, marriage wasn't something he ever considered. It just wasn't something he could ever consider. He didn't want to involve a partner in his dangerous life, especially one that he'd care for so immensely like a wife.

It reassures him in an odd way that you were already involved with the mafia before he met you. That means that it wasn't him who dragged you into this mess, and that you're at least strong enough to handle yourself if things got ugly.

He guides his teammates with a firm but caring hand. It's something you find very attractive about him. How he can be strict without being unkind. Especially when he shows this attitude to people he has direct power over, like his team. It's such a green flag when a man doesn't abuse his authority over others.

He finds all of your interests interesting. He likes listening to you talk about anything and everything. You're just so passionate whenever you're talking about things that interest you. He finds it just as attractive as he finds it cute.

He appreciates your patience. He knows his team is a lot to deal with. From Ghiaccio's hair-trigger temper, to Melone's...everything. You tolerate them with a patience that surprises even him. But anyone who can appreciate his team is someone he's not letting go of very easily.

He doesn't mind that you get insecure sometimes. He's happy to reassure you. He's had his fair share of insecurities, even if he's a master at hiding it. He's gotten better over the years at reassuring himself about his own insecurities, and he uses those own tactics to help you feel better about whatever you need to feel better about.

Honorary mentions!

Bruno Bucciarati

He's got this sad, mature air about him that initially drew you in. Unfortunately, Bruno is a family man, through and through. And perhaps his team might be a bit much for you to properly handle. At least all of Risotto's team are adults by the time you meet them. Bucciarati's team is mostly a mess of teenage hormones and homicidal tendencies.

=-=-=-=

In Stone Ocean, however.

You've been an inmate at the Green Dolphin State prison for years, at this point.

Emporio is a good friend of yours, already. He brings you to his Stand room very soon after you meet him.

There, you also meet

Weather Report

It was love at first sight for him.

It was Emporio who had introduced the two of you. You had helped Emporio once without meaning to, and he decided you were a friend and brought you back to his Stand room.

Weather Report was silent when you first met. He barely spoke above a whisper, as par the course with him.

But that's not what surprised Emporio about Weather's reaction to first meeting you.

Weather's eyes literally sparkled, when he first saw you. It was so noticeable to Emporio, who had basically grown up with Weather Report.

It takes him ages to confess.

You come into Emporio and Weather's life years before Ermes or Jolyne come into the picture, and still, Weather needs Jolyne's help to confess anything to you.

He wanted his confession to be sweet and romantic. It ended up being almost rushed, because he gets so impatient with himself that he just blurted out his (rehearsed) confession to you at the worst possible time.

After that whole mess, though, he's a wonderful lover.

He's thoughtful, and affectionate, and great at reassuring you without using his words too much.

He loves observing you. Really, he stares so much. Even he notices it. He's just thankful you don't point it out too often and save him from the embarrassment.

He's not one to talk needlessly, so he's happy to listen to you rant. Really, he could sit there for days on end just listening to you talk if that were possible, or if you'd let him.

Weather isn't really the kind of guy who wants children. He tolerates and respects Emporio, but not the same as he'd treat any other child. He tolerates and respects Emporio like he's an adult, because he's awkward and doesn't know how to talk to children properly.

As he is now, Weather doesn't want kids. He thinks they're a hassle.

But marriage...

He can't wait to marry you. Literally on par with Anasui with how often he thinks about getting married to you.

He has potential rings that he'd propose to you with, where you'd hold your wedding, even what season you'd have your wedding. Weather would love a winter wedding, if only to see how the cold raises goosebumps along your skin. He would imagine what your wedding dress would look like, but he refrains because he wants that to be your surprise to him.

Maybe he's a little delusional, but that's okay. At least he's happy to wait a few years into your relationship to propose. And not. Just. Putting a ring on you when you're sleeping in a car.

He has quite the elaborate proposal planned, anyway. Perhaps he'll do it in a private room at a museum that he takes you to for a date. Or maybe in the intimate setting of your shared bedroom, just after you've gotten out of the shower.

Many daydreams, this man has.

He has no qualms about showing you affection in public. He likes everyone knowing that you're his. And that he's yours, just the same.

He's touchy, but not in, like. The normal way.

He just needs to have his hands on you. Sometimes he's sweet. He'll hold your hand and follow behind you happily. Or he'll hang over your shoulder like a second Stand.

But most of the time, while he's sitting beside you, he'll just bite you. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough for it to be noticeable. Standing in line and there's a moment of quiet between you two? Chomp right on the shoulder. Laying in bed reading? He's probably nibbling on you arm.

Even if he's just laying on your lap, he's probably fantasizing about biting your legs.

(Believe me, that translates to...other fields in your relationship, too.)

Weather doesn't talk much usually. But with you, you two could talk each other in circles for days on end. It's a constant ADHD talk circle for you two. Always talking and infodumping as much as you can. And somehow, it never gets old.

He always has conversation topics in mind, and he's always asking you questions about anything and everything that either of you two are into.

Honorary mention!

Thunder McQueen

At first, I just thought this would've been funny, but I really feel like he would've loved you. He's desperately in need of someone who cares enough to make an effort into being patient with him.

[lettersfromverabookreview]

The Percy Jackson Saga

What a saga! I´ve still yet to finish it (while writing this, but i´ll post it when I finish it), but it´s SO fun, such a light read.

My history with Percy Jackson series has MANY comes and goes and it intercepts with many characters of my life that definitely not align with the Percy Jackson books at ALL. Seriously, If by any chance you´re a pre-teen reading this and you seem to be a bully who reads percy jackson, why do you think percy has SUCH a bad time in the school?? Anyway, getting over the personal comment….

I was mainly attracted to it because the series has come out (watch it !! its definitely interesting) but the nostalgia has come back with a kick and I definitely relate to little Percy, Annabeth and Grover (none of them would love me calling them little, but they are kids!!! Give them a SECOND of peace please), a little misunderstood, a little lost, not only when I was a teenager, but now on my 20s I can def relate (in a sense) to this lost feeling.

I doubt it ever goes away, Hell (or Hades?), Its difficult even to the gods what is happening in the books!! Everyone has to make tough decisions every once in a while, sometimes is whether to have the literal sky to help the goddess Artemis to fight Atlas, sometimes is leaving a job!

And I definitely relate to the strand of white hair after going trough the stress. And yes, everyone has a difficult choice and sometimes some are tougher than others, (like cmon… my job change example its what Ive been going through but Im guessing that maybe having the sky on your back may be a lil more difficult) but difficult choices are difficult choices, and these books have helped me, at least, to get anxious over whether Percy was going to be able to save his mom, instead of me getting anxious of my life choices.

I´m sure that anybody reading this may be going through a tough time (I mean, not to wish that upon you, and if you say “nah thanks i´m good, having the best time of my life” great for you!!) and i definitely believe that these books may seem focused for children, and yes, the repetition of what happened the last books that appears in every book after the first one, it sure is annoying, but overall its a huge break for the brain! Its a nice reading, a nostalgic one, and a hug to the heart.

A good reminder that good friends are worth lifting the sky and more, that families may not be what we always expect, that blue food is DOPE, that what we see may not always be what it truly is, that friends are not always what they seem to be, and that enemies (or people who we are taught are “enemies”) may not always be enemies.

[Finally, as a last comment since I´ve finished reading now] Sometimes it is not only good but necessary to go back to your child-self. To embrace new experiences with the forgiveness of a mother, the strength of an adult, but also for the inner ability of a kid that's learning how to walk, to stand immediately back up and continue trying. Embrace your strength but also your weaknesses, continue always learning, get around people you would sacrifice yourself for. Remember that its good and also essential to rest (sometimes on a lost island surrounded by the daughter of Kronos that's actually good and leaves you with a bunch of questions), and never forget to get back home (or at give out a sign when you're well so that everyone around you knows that you´re fine, turning the light blue of the Empire State can be an example).

If you´re going through high school, read this.

If you´re a lil lost, read this.

If you´re pretty sure you may be a lost child to a Greek god, yeah sure, but also read this.

If you wanna learn more about greek myths! I mean they are not super explained sometimes, but they sure deserve a good google search afterwards, which is good brain food!

If you really like sloooooow burn romances, yeah maybe you may like this (super far from the actual trama of the story but its so TRUE how long Percy takes to realize y´know…the thing)

If you like cute Cyclops, who are NOT murder machines, read this!!

And you must definitely read this if you like the water!! -Vera

[marshmallowprotection]

Haven't got time to check out the written blurb, but I don't remember if I ever said how much I love the ship name 'flowerpot'

Like

That's adorable

I adore it

YEAH. OMG. I LOVE IT SO MUCH, TOO. @creator-kami and I have contained our CMCs in a flower pot with Saeran and Ray. Imagine if you will four flowers blossoming at the same time in a pot you didn't expect flowers to grow in. These flowers grow together to be strong and vibrant, and unlike the flower pot Ray held in Another Story with a direct allegory to his brother, there's no overwhelming fear in which the stalks need to be trimmed to survive.

It's not a question of survival.

It's allowing the flowers to sprout naturally and taking a chance on nature deciding how things will play out. Which, that's how we both figured out the inner-workings of the Flowerpot ship. They work to grow and be better together, and by finding strength together, they find the courage to face their problems head on. When one person struggles, they work together to find a solution, not because there's some kind of push to "fix" something—but because sometimes you need a loving hand to show you how to heal yourself.

I think that's the great thing about their dynamic. They don't force each other to be better for the sake of being better. They help the other realize that they're holding back, and what kind of life can you lead if you don't become your truest self? It's about vulnerability, too. It's about trusting someone to catch you when you're afraid you won't be able to jump at all.

Like, ah, in the roleplay, one of my favorite things so far has been Tsubaki and Saeran pushing each other to hold onto their dream, no matter how many times someone has tried to silence it. In doing so, they actually became each other's dream, and I cry every time I think about it. Their dreams evolved the more they allowed themselves to be honest with each other!

Ray and Lila indulge each other in their love of cute things and they never have to be insecure or afraid to be their truest selves. There's no shame or judgement when they're together, they don't have to sit there and think about what other people think of them, and that does inevitably help them feel better about sharing their art. There's no real reason to be afraid of critics. They learn how to have fun without that sense of: Am I allowed to express myself this way?

Tsubaki and Ray understand each other's deeply seeded fears. They fear not living up to who they want to be and if it's okay to challenge their perception of who their role models were versus what they were really like. They find peace and comfort in knowing there's someone in this world who can smile at them and say, "I don't think it's wrong to feel conflicted."

Saeran pulls Lila out of her slumps and put a fire under her belt. He pushes her to bite back, to be confidant, and to say what she means so people don't walk all over her. Lila encourages Saeran to be gentle even if he's afraid of being misunderstood. He learns how to slow his words down so he can think before he leaps so his heart can be seen as it truly is.

Tsubaki and Lila encourage each other to believe in their dreams, to have faith in this world and the people in it, even if it seems difficult to imagine. They see drive and purpose in each other's eyes, and it's nice to know even if you're afraid of getting close to another person because you admire them and you're afraid they may not like you, it's always worth offering your hand because you may never know what you're feeling until you allow yourself to feel it.

[racheljoyscott]

Hey i love your blog<3

Do you know how to make friends , i got bullied in 8th grade by my group of friends because i defended a girl from being body shamed and i lost all my confidence to talk to people and making friends im a freshman going into sophomore year and i want to make friends this upcoming school year<3 i’ve been inspired by rachel to become more friendly like she was for the upcoming school year like reaching out to people bc ik whats it’s like to be bullied but i get really scared to talk to people bc i feel like im gonna get judged💜

Hey Anon! Glad you came across my page. I'll give you two sets of advice, my own and what I think Rachel would tell you.

You are almost the age I was when I started this blog so many years ago! I still, to this day, am thankful every single day that I learned of Rachel's story. I found her at the most pivotal stage in my teenage development. It shaped me more than I can express, and she completely altered my character progression. Rachel is extremely inspiring. Just listen to her stories and I promise it'll have some good effect on you. It's worth every second.

With that being said, this is my advice. The hard truth is, there will always be mean people tearing you down. Whether it's mean girls at school, a mean boss, or even your roommates in college. To make friends, be yourself. Learning to follow your own interests and live through your values will take you so much farther in life. And you'll be happier. Friends will come. I didn't have many friends in middle school or for a good chunk of high school. But looking back, I think I was better off having my few close friends than forcing friendships with the popular kids. Be a friend to everyone (with limits), but don't worry too much about having/not having friends. I promise you, being yourself and being kind to all people will give you confidence and bring you so much value to your future self. I think these early years are really impactful on your future. Put good out there, build a foundation for your career, and do your best in school. But given you are already following Rachel's footsteps, I'd say you're on a very good path :)

Based on what I know about Rachel, I'd say she'd be proud of you for sticking up for that girl! Please, please, never let other girls, especially mean or judgemental girls, take away any bit of sparkle or strength you have. If you are already using your voice for good and to help others so young, keep making it stronger. No matter what you say, you'll learn someone has an issue with it or judge you for it. Everyone has a bit of social anxiety when it comes to things like this. Especially at your age in high school. To combat it, Rachel wore really funky and eccentric outfits that kind of forced her to get used to discomfort and judgement. (Also because she was really cool!) To combat mine, I learned that people don't remember or care nearly as much as you do when you think you embarrass yourself. I even think of Rachel when I have trouble approaching someone. Because really, you never know what people are thinking or going through. She asked God to use her to reach out to people and to help others. Maybe that person sitting alone wants someone to sit with them, or maybe they don't! But it's for you to find out. Either you make a friend in the process, or learn more and more on how to approach people and make small talk. Life's all about chances but they're usually worth taking.

My advice to overcome the fear of being judged is to do your best. Whenever I fear how I'm being perceived or judged, I tell myself I did the best I could today. Even if I did screw up, at least I helped someone out. I was kind to a stranger. I put a smile on someone's face. Held a door open. Etc. At least I tried to be good and did something small to positively impact the people around me. Because truly, that's all that matters. And that's all because I found Rachel's story. :)

Please reach out to me if you ever need anything else, and I encourage you to use my blog to learn more about Rachel. She was always a friend when I didn't have one. There is truly so much you can learn from her! Good luck! xx

[girlmeets-grace]

My dilemma;

Life had been feeling strangely hollow lately. Days blurred into nights, and nights felt like endless voids. Work was monotonous, and even the usual distractions—games, books, and random internet rabbit holes—had lost their luster. On one particularly uneventful evening, I stumbled upon Solo Leveling.

“Why not?” I thought, setting my phone to stream it from the Ahjin Guild arc. I’d heard about it for years but never took the plunge.

What began as casual curiosity soon morphed into an all-consuming obsession. Jinwoo’s ascent from an unremarkable E-rank Hunter to the Shadow Monarch resonated with something deep within me. Every chapter, every battle, and every heart-wrenching decision gripped me tighter.

By the time I reached the final battle arc, I realized that this wasn’t just a story about monsters or leveling up—it was about life, purpose, and the sacrifices we make to achieve something meaningful. Here is the tale, reimagined, through my lens :

Solo Leveling:

Jinwoo’s world was one where strength determined worth, and weakness meant obscurity or death. As an E-rank Hunter, Jinwoo was the epitome of vulnerability, risking his life in low-level dungeons just to scrape by.

But life, much like a dungeon, doesn’t abide by fairness. It throws you into peril with no guarantee of survival. What do you do then?

Jinwoo’s transformation began in a way that mirrored those rare turning points in our own lives: the unexpected opportunity, the unrelenting choice to rise above despair.

As I watched Jinwoo form the Ahjin Guild, it was hard not to see parallels with the entrepreneurial spirit of real life. Building something from nothing takes courage, vision, and the grit to push forward when others doubt you.

Jinwoo didn’t just gather allies—he inspired loyalty and respect. And isn’t that what life is about? Finding people who believe in your purpose, even when you’re walking a path no one else dares to tread.

By the time Jinwoo confronted the Monarchs, he had transcended mortal limitations, becoming the Shadow Monarch. But what struck me wasn’t his power—it was his loneliness.

With great power comes great isolation. Jinwoo’s choices, while heroic, often came at a personal cost. He missed moments with his family, lost allies, and carried the weight of entire worlds on his shoulders.

And yet, he never faltered. His strength wasn’t just in his abilities—it was in his unwavering resolve to protect those he loved.

The climactic confrontation with Antares, the Dragon Monarch, was more than just a spectacle of might. It was the culmination of everything Jinwoo stood for: the refusal to surrender, the willingness to sacrifice, and the determination to find purpose even in the face of despair.

When Jinwoo chose to reset the timeline and erase himself from the memories of everyone he loved, it hit me harder than I expected. This was the ultimate act of selflessness—a lesson in what it means to give everything for a cause greater than yourself.

My reflections ;

By the time I finished watching, the sun was rising, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink. I sat there, contemplating Jinwoo’s journey and how it mirrored the struggles we all face:

Like Jinwoo, we start life as weak and uncertain, learning and growing through trials and failures.

Every battle he fought wasn’t just for survival but to protect something meaningful. Isn’t that why we persevere in our own lives?

In the end, Jinwoo’s story was about what we’re willing to give up to ensure a better future—not just for ourselves but for those we care about.

As I turned off the screen, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time—purpose. Jinwoo’s story reminded me that even in the darkest of dungeons, there’s always a path forward, as long as we have the courage to take the first step.

Below is the link to this amazing dude that does a summary of the manhwa.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hi Kiko! This year has been moving really fast. It's Mardi Gras season for me right now! We are on spring break as a result and I'm trying to get a bunch of work done for my prospectus so I can hopefully be ABD by next month. I'm also currently working through a back injury that I've been managing since 2020- finally got the okay to start lifting light weights again :) And I'm spending my first Valentine's Day in three years single. I'm loving myself more than my ex ever did, so I'm actually really fucking grateful. Got myself chocolates and I'm getting takeout from my favorite restaurant tonight (they have gumbo soup dumplings and matcha cheesecake. It's amazing). A year ago, I thought my whole world was ending. I was in the process of realizing my engagement was falling apart and my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. I was diagnosed with chronic illnesses and told I'd never not be in pain again. And while there are still rough days, I'm in less pain than I was most of last semester. I'm learning to really treasure my time with just myself and my cat. My parents and I are getting to spend time together just the three of us. And I got a cool shirt that kind of looks like the one you posted about Rinko wearing in Gokudō, soooo I'll be wearing that to my next cosplay convention :) Your stories genuinely helped me survive last year. I am so grateful I stumbled upon this little corner of the internet, and as odd as it may sound, I try to channel Rinko on my bad days. It gets me through. We're here to help get you through, too, love! Sending so much love and a metaphysical king cake your way! <3 Rai

RAI!! HELLO!!!

Mardi Gras is WILD but so fun lol

HAPPY SPRING BREAK AND GOOD LUCK ON WORK!!! ABD ALREADY?? Amazing. You’ll do amazing. I just know it. My best friend is in that boat now and it’s crazy to think about. (Especially since she’s literally growing a human inside her, too.)

I’m so, so, SO HAPPY for you that you’re loving yourself and building a better life for yourself separate from your toxic ex. BUYING ALL THE CHOCOLATES. YES. GUMBO IS ALSO INCREDIBLE.

I love that your life is already better than a year ago. I hate that you had to go through so much, but it’s beautiful how you were able to find your strength to get through it all and come out even better! 💕

I’m so grateful and humbled that Another Level and Rinko helped you. They helped me too. They saved me. This little corner helped save me. Realizing that something I created could actually make any kind of difference really did save me from despair because I believed nothing I did was worth anything and would never amount to anything.

Rinko is so fun and beautiful and strong and I’ve realized that many of my favorite of her traits are ones I wished I could have. Her courage specifically. Her courage in the face of so much misery and hardship and choosing to still be the person who loves and cares and is kind. I think that’s one reason people loved her so much. She’s not stupidly or obliviously nice. She sees and hears and feels the pain and anger and bitterness but still chooses to not let them define who she is. She knows that there’s enough hatred in the world without her adding to it. She’s not perfect, she makes mistakes and she gets angry and she sometimes lets those drive her, but at the end of the day, she still doesn’t let them define her entirely. They’re just part of her existing as a human.

Rinko is a beautifully messy human, just like the rest of us. We’re all messy and emotional and imperfect, but without those things, life would be boring and empty.

I started writing this days ago and I had to save it to my drafts because I wanted to dedicate enough attention to it because messages like these really do pull me out of the darkness. Life has been kicking my ass so hard. Everyone around me keeps saying I’m doing so well and handling things in the best way possible, but that in itself is so exhausting. I’m exhausted. To be perfectly honest, I feel so, so fragile. But I know that’s a sign of my strength because I get up every morning and keep going even when it feels too heavy.

Rai, you are a beautiful human who is doing so incredible and you are so strong for working to be better for you. I’m proud of you and I’m proud to consider you a friend 💕

Also, I’ve been working on lil chibi designs for myself because I want to use them to order a custom case for my new earbuds and I will share one of the lil Gojo chibis I’ve been making.

Admittedly, writing has been difficult lately. I’m in the mood to write angst but I can’t figure out what it would be and I also want to write the Valentine’s Day blurb so badly. I’ll get it done eventually, I promise.

[onlyjaeyun]

Dude I fucking loved CH wth 🤭

I'm being so honest right now, you had me invested from the very beginning, there's something about the way you write your characters that make them feel like actual humans, and I loved every second of it

Starting with oc obviously, i was completely enamored by her, bc yeah she's an absolute baddie, she's good at her job, knows what she's doing, is loving, honest, smart, and so freaking pretty. But she also has some heavy ass baggage, is still learning how to navigate her way through life, puts her loved ones (found family) above anything else, which we know has its good and bad side, and is learning to love and honor herself in a more healthy way

The pain was real whenever the angst waves came around, seeing all the shit she had to put up with, and never prioritizing herself, but that only made me love even more those steps of growth, confidence, self respect, and accountability she kept on taking after every hardship. (I legit started tearing up at the part about owning her pleasure, and understanding that regardless of whoever her sexual partner was, the decisions, vulnerability and enjoyment are hers to own and live to the fullest).

Same thing with all the relationships in the story, from the Nishimuras bond, history, and fight to actually be left alone by that bitchass family, to each of the friendships, between the boys, with yn individually, and with tsuki 😭😭😭 I love them so much you have no idea, they're SO FUCKING ADORABLE, AND REAL, AND GOOD AND REASSURING TO EACH OTHER I CANNOTJDJDIW

Anyway yeah, those are the type of friends people need, their advice, company, humor, love, admiration, respect, protectiveness, and sincerity. I just thank for taking so much time into developing each of their dynamics, personalities and quirks

And how could I not, our main ship, my babies HoonYn and their entire fucking story, interactions, chemistry, and bond had me giggling, crying, punching the air, kicking my feet, and sobbing of frustration, pain, and pride all in the span of 5 hours (yes I read the entire series in one sitting, no I did not sleep at all, yes it was absolutely worth it)

Anyway, I feel like that's a whole lot of rambling and I'm barely making any sense -also I'm sleep deprived and English is not my first language, so I apologize for all the mistakes here-, but overall, I just wanted to congratulate and thank you for conveying so many struggles we have to get through in the daily, you didn't shy away from the mental health struggles, the flaws of the characters, the shittines of life itself, the absolute NEED for honest and understanding communication in ANY kind of relationship, and the inmense impact a friendship can have in our lives, as well as our own strength, determination.

I really don't know if this ended up making any sense, but yeah, thank you for your hard and amazing work, you're a great writer fr, please take care of yourself and have an awesome day <3 <3 <3 <3

🥺 asks like this with such detailed feedback is just..like an actual live letter you guys

thank you SO so so so much, i know i sound like a broke record at this point but there's just not enough words of gratitude could use to show you just how much i appreciate this and you. thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me this and for being so kind, sweet and enthusiastic about it.

asks like theye give me a glimpse of my work from your POV and it never fails to make me so excited and happy and just so so so excited, i hope you know this is everything to me. im so happy to know just how much you've enjoyed reading it and all the characters too so rhank yoj for all of this, i love you so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🤍☁️💫

[chai-hat-tea]

Living in an average indian household where my father is anti feminist and treats my mother like shit and has been raising his voice on her for his whole life this feels like someone made this story up. And I can't explain how much this has impacted my growth mentally because yes I feel worthless and it feels ok if someone raise their voice at me because...... That's what I've seen my whole life. That's what my father taught me. Learn to adjust, that's what they tech girls here, and that's what I am doing, always adjusting because that's how it's supposed to work.

https://www.tumblr.com/chai-hat-tea/716574574939144192/my-mum-has-six-brothers-they-all-live-in?source=share

Anom Nom…I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’ve not experienced this first hand, but I’ve seen enough of it to know exactly what you mean. My situation isn’t as bad as yours, but my parents do believe in this logic and I’ve had situations recently where my dad has used his manliness on me and almost hit me. So I know exactly what you mean.

And while I’m not the best to give you any advice, I need you to know that whatever you have been through is wrong and to never be accepted. It’s going to take constant practice of unlearning this and relearning that you’re your own hero and you don’t need someone to be one for you.

It’s never okay for anyone to “put you in your place” because they know better. They really don’t. Believe me. You’re worthy of all the good things that have happened to you, are happening and WILL happen to you. I agree that it’s normal to adjust in any relationship and a little extra as being an Indian women, but I need you to promise to me that you won’t settle for anyone. Whenever you adjust or compromise, the other person needs to be worthy of it. Promise me.

I don’t know what your situation is, but if you ever want to come off anon and talk to me, I’m all ears. If I can’t do something about it, let me at least lessen that emotional burden you carry with you everywhere.

So, to summarise:

1. Go to a therapist and talk it out if you can. Or talk to anyone who can at least help lessen your burden.

2. You’re worth all the good things and more. Don’t let the men (or adults) tell you otherwise. And definitely don’t let anyone raise their voice at you.

3. You’ll get your happy ending. I know it. And if you can’t see it for yourself, then I’ll do it for you. ❤️

Sending you my love and strength because you matter and you’re worth it.

[cruzdanny1729]

Journal Writing ❤️

Lessons. The lessons always stay. It took me a long time to realize that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person we feel something deep and moving with is meant to make a home within us, is meant to be a forever. Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how to love and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how not to love. How not to settle, how not to shrink ourselves ever again. Yes, sometimes people leave, but that’s okay. Because their lessons always stay, and that is what matters. That is what remains. You have to make sure you live for you first. Shakespeare said, "I always feel happy. You know why? Because I don’t expect anything from anyone. Expectations always hurt. Life is short. So love your life, be happy, and keep smiling. Just live for yourself. And before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you pray, forgive. Before you hurt, feel. Before you hate, love. Before you quit, try. And before you die, live." How amazing is this when you understand it. You are right on time where you’re supposed to be even though at times it doesn’t feel that way. Slow down. You’re doing just fine. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out yet. Life is just a progression of you. So don’t spend all of your moments, instead of living them. Don’t make commitments until you commit to yourself. Before goals, relationships, and responsibilities, it’s important first to understand who you are and what you want. Learn how to prioritize your own growth. Who you are today won’t be who you are tomorrow. That’s the beautiful thing about change. Nothing really stops changing. Let each phase teach you something new. You can’t rush the parts of yourself that need time. Eventually, you’ll figure out what means the most to you. And when you feel passionate about something, you won’t care what anyone says. You’ll choose it again and again. And that choice will be enough to carry you through. We always have to come first no matter what. Prioritizing your own well-being lays the foundation for everything else in life. When you are grounded in self-care, you have the energy, emotional resilience, and clarity to face challenges and nurture meaningful relationships. Without this inner strength, other pursuits can easily lead to burnout, dependency, or even resentment, as you might give more than you can sustain. Furthermore, understanding and attending to your own needs builds self-worth, allowing you to engage in goals and relationships from a place of confidence and abundance, not need. Ultimately, prioritizing well-being creates a more balanced and fulfilling life, allowing you to share your best self with the world. Take your time. Grow at your own pace. When you figure out who you are and what you want, everything else will unfold for you. I always say this. There is nothing or no one more valuable than your own peace and self love. Trust me!

-DC